Unsteady
by GreyScientist
Summary: The remaining victors come together to try to rebuild a fair and just Capitol, but for Finnick Odair...his nightmare may be just beginning. Is saving Annie Cresta worth losing himself? An alternate ending where (obviously) some victors survived...as they should have! Finnick/Annie, Katniss/Peeta, Finnick/Katniss Update: FINISHED! Please leave feedback ideas for my next one! TY!
1. Unsteady: The Prologue

Prologue

We knew overtaking the Capitol wasn't going to be the end of our problems. Sure, it put the biggest one to rest. But there we were, a ragtag band of kids trying to piece together the remainder of a government. When we really all just wanted to go home.

And we may have eliminated Snow, but not everything he stood for or everyone who believed in it. So the threat was still pretty constant. We all knew that even as we made ourselves comfortable in the penthouses surrounding the Capitol courtyard.

Plutarch and Haymitch had begun rebuilding what was left. With Beetee's help they were forging a new infrastructure. Assigning a cabinet of people who would assume leadership roles they were best suited for. As for me I was a new fangled sort of coast guard. Dealing with shore security and off shore trading and way, way out of my depth (pardon the pun.) Not a day passed that I didn't wish I was just on the shore. Sitting in my boat. Watching a sunrise and fishing until I was watching a sunset. But this was bigger than all of us and we knew it. So those sorts of dreams had to remain just that. Dreams.

And then there was my biggest problem. Annie. I had hoped that liberating the people and moving to a more peaceful place would somehow calm the monsters inside of her but somehow it was only making it worse. Her night terrors, days without being able to eat, lashing out at people she didn't know...sometimes even me...was taking a toll on everyone. The Victor's Council would meet daily to come up with a plan to mobilize and inspire the people. And Annie was part of that. She should have been. But I would spend those meetings trying to hush her, to remind her she was safe, to keep her from crying. All the while, the rest of our people staring at the both of us like we were wounded, pathetic animals. And I would remind myself that they never knew the Annie that I knew. That I fell in love with. All they saw was a mad, wounded lunatic that couldn't be trusted to be alone. And with each passing day I was forgetting the bright vibrant Annie, too.

At Katniss' urging I let Annie stay in our suite. There were several people who had offered to help her and whom she trusted. Often time Joanna, of all people, would stay with her or walk with her. Mostly to save my sanity and let me out for awhile.

But this was the new normal. Living life in the Capitol we had dreamed of overtaking, liberating the districts. Building a safe and fair governing institution. But never free from the reminder of the damage they had done to all of us...not the least of those, my Annie. My future would never be what I had hoped for us as she grew worse with each day and I grew weaker and wearier of trying to love her in the only way I knew how.


	2. Unsteady: Katniss' Proposal

I'm not sure how long I had been sitting there in the plaza watching her, but it was long enough that I had become immune to the chill in the air that had sufficiently numbed my fingers and toes. I was watching her. Sitting in our penthouse window that overlooked the courtyard where we had all once been paraded around as Capitol fodder. She looked peaceful. Her auburn curls hanging neatly around her face. Her eyes bright, her lips pursed almost into a smile. She was beautiful. In fact, if you didn't know she had been in that exact spot since I had left in the morning...you would have no idea that anything was wrong. But it was. Very wrong.

The wind was cold and brisk, and masked the sound of Katniss approaching me. So she was seated at my side before I knew she was even close.

"Deep in thought, I see."

She whispered with a slight sarcasm and when I turned to look at her I noticed she was gazing up at Annie as well.

"Which one of us?" I returned her remark, trying as best I could to be lighthearted. A few uneasy moments of silence passed. She finally pulled her eyes from Annie and turned to me.

"I'm worried about you, Finnick..." she started, in that familiar tone of pity I had become accustomed to. She put her hand on my knee and I stared at it. "We all are." I watched her fingers on my knee cap and lost myself in the fact that I had become so cold outside I could hardly feel the warmth of her touching me. I had become numb to lots of things. I faked a weak smile and put my hand on hers.

"I'll be fine. We both will. Nothing is perfect anymore, it's not just Annie."

I tried to keep my voice from hitching. Katniss seemed uneasy. She shifted in her seat on the concrete bench beside me.

"What if it didn't have to be that way? What if we could do something that might help her? Help her to forget..."

I smiled as I watched her speak. I knew she was sincere and had come to care about Annie. But she would never know the Annie I knew and that made it hard for her to understand just what I had lost.

"Can I take her home? Leave this place? Set out to sea and never look back? Let the ocean take everything away for her? Is that what you're suggesting?" I realized as I said it that my words were more aggressive than I meant them to be. I wanted to apologize but I couldn't. She was searching my face.

"Is that what you really want, Finnick?" Her voice was full of sadness, hurt feelings and guilt. I watched her eyes bounce around and tried to decide how to answer her. The truth was that even if that would save Annie, it wouldn't save me. I had become so reliant on caring for Katniss like it was my job that I couldn't imagine my life without her, either. Hell, Peeta too, for that matter. I sighed heavily.

"No. That isn't what I want."

She stood and paced slowly while biting her lip and then knelt in front of me, her elbows on my knees.

"Beetee has been working on something you should see. He's been working with, I don't know, this electricity...trying to help some of the Capitol citizens that had been brainwashed. Peeta and I...we thought maybe it could help Annie..."

I listened to her as she spoke, it was like her words floated through the air and around me but not quite to me. Electricity.

"Electric shock. That's what you're saying." I tried to remain even keeled as I spoke to her.

"Something like that..." she could tell I wasn't as excited as she had hoped, and I immediately felt bad for disappointing her. "Look, obviously I don't know what I'm talking about here. But maybe you could talk to Beetee. See what he says. It can't hurt, Finn." She reached for my shoulder but I pulled away before she could reach me. Adjusting and closing my coat to the cold instead of letting her comfort me. I sniffled against the chill.

"It's awfully sweet of you and Peeta to worry about us." My response was thick with sarcasm and she sensed it.

"I didn't mean it like that..."

She tried to interrupt me but truthfully, as soon as I stood up from the bench I knew the conversation was over.

"Thank you, Katniss. But I don't need your pity. Neither of us do."

I pulled a hat down over my hair and brushed past her, leaving her alone in the courtyard. I glanced up at the window and Annie was gone.

I hurried through the gated entrance to our new home and rode the elevator to the penthouse, grateful that we had restored enough of a power grid that I no longer had to take the twelve flights of stairs. When I got to the door, it was locked as usual, but I had been pounding on it for several minutes before I heard the lock turn over and the door slowly open. She peeked through a crack before opening it further, as she always did...even though the building was, and had been, completely secure.

"It's me, Annie, you're safe." I whispered to her and smiled through the crack of space she had allowed before she pulled it open and stood before me.

I slipped into the house, hanging my coat and hat near the door.

"I'll light a fire, would you like that?" I turned to her as I asked, noticing she looked as cold as I felt. I scanned the room and noticed the window she had been sitting by was half open, letting a cold draft fill the suite. I touched her cool cheek slightly as I passed her to close the window.

"Do you love her, Finnick?"

I spun on my heels as I turned back to her. She hadn't spoken to anyone in days.

"I love you, Annie, you know that." I walked to her and took her face in my hands, gently rubbing her face with my thumbs. "I've always loved you."

Her eyes were glassy and vacant but I knew she heard me.

"She loves you, I think." Annie was whispering. A sad whisper. I smiled and cupped her chin in my hand.

"You flatter me, Annie Cresta." I leaned in and kissed her gently, then pulled my head back to watch her react, holding my breath slightly. She smiled and wrapped her hands around my neck before burying her face there.

I picked her up gently in my arms, she was so slight anymore that it didn't take much effort. I eased her down onto the enormous white sofa that faced our too-big fireplace. The enormity of the Capitol still present everywhere. I lit a fire and grabbed her a favorite large grey knit blanket. She had nestled safely into the couch and managed a smile at me as I returned to her with it. I knelt beside her and covered her, tucking her in gently.

"I'll go get you some food..." She grabbed my hand as I rose to leave her, and I instinctively slunk back down to my knees, cocking my head at her as she watched me.

"Why, Finnick?"

Her strange unfinished question hung in the air and confused me as so often she could.

"Why what, Annie?" I spoke as gently to her as I ever did.

"Why...do you love me?" Her voice broke and her eyes began to shine with tears that she was fighting hard to not release, but that spilled out anyway.

I smiled at her as I caught them with my thumbs.

"Because I'm the sea, and you're my shore. I'm lost without you. You know that, Annie."

My words seemed to do more harm than good as her slow tears turned to open sobs. I slid onto the couch beside her and took her in my arms, hushing her as I took up under the blanket with her. She wept into my shoulder.

"You deserve someone like her, Finnick. I know that. Someone strong like you. I'm no good to anyone. No one..."

"You're good to me. And we all need you. Now stop this talk, Annie. Please. Please, Annie..."

I whispered to her so softly I wasn't sure she heard me over her weeping, and I kissed the top of her head all the while, stroking her hair and silently praying that she would listen. Before I knew it she had cried herself soundly to sleep, passed out against my now wet shoulder. I cradled her to me and resigned myself to sleep there with her on the couch for as long as she could find peace. Katniss' words echoed in my ears.

Not much time had passed before she shook suddenly in my arms, and then flailed wildly...tossing the blanket from us both.

"Annie, no! You're safe, Annie. I'm here." I raised my voice and tried to grab at her waving arms, but she had grabbed at something I couldn't even see and turned on me with it. She took a surprisingly strong swing at me, catching my jaw with something sharp before I managed to choke hold her wrist and pull her arms behind her back. She was screaming at me, calling names I didn't know, trying desperately to get away from me. I caught my breath and tried to assure her. She flailed against me still. And soon there were other noises in the room.

"I'll help..."

It was Joanna. Her residence was now, gratefully, right next door to ours, and she was all too familiar with the night terrors. She rounded the couch and took hold of Annie's ankles, helping me to hold her still as I tried to wrap her blanket around her. It was one of the only things that had made it out of District Four with her. A gift from her mother. It usually calmed her down...in time.

My jaw was stinging and my ears were hot as Annie finally exhausted herself into calming down before her breathing hitched and she began crying again.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." She repeated it over and over to herself more than to us. But finally she clung to the blanket and I could let go of her safely. Joanna looked at me from the other side of the couch.

"Jesus, Finnick, go clean up your face before I tell everyone a girl just kicked your ass."

It was her sweet way of telling me to take a breather. For all that she was, I had come to appreciate Joanna in a way I never thought I would. I nodded at her and rose from the couch.

"Finnick...I'm sorry, Finnick...I'm sorry, love..." Annie was calling to me from the couch but in that moment I couldn't turn and look at her. I just needed to get away. I stepped into the bathroom and examined myself in the mirror. Deep gash along my jawline, but that wasn't all. My face was sunken. Tired. No, not tired...exhausted. I started to think of how little use I was going to become to Panem if I was constantly functioning half asleep. I ran the sink and splashed water on my face.

I didn't want to think about it. But I had to. Even getting her out of town was seeming like an impossible task now.

I walked back in and saw Annie back at the window, staring into the courtyard. Joanna rose from the couch.

"You mind...staying a bit?"

"Of course not, jerk. Go."

I pulled my coat and hat on.

"I'm going to go talk to..."

"Beetee." She finished my sentence and I realized that clearly I was the last person to know that was an option. I inhaled sharply and nodded yes before gently padding over to Annie and kneeling beside her. I took her hand in mine and kissed the top of it before holding it for a minute. Neither of us spoke. She was staring at the spot I had been sitting in just hours earlier.

"Do you love her, Finnick?"

She repeated again and this time I couldn't stand the idea of a battle so I let it go unanswered. Instead I turned for the door and opted for the stairs as I made my way back out into the cold courtyard. As I walked through it I remembered being showcased through it times before. And for the first time in my life...I wondered which was worse. Being sent off to uncertain death...twice? Or seeking out someone to effectively fry the brain of the only woman you've ever loved.

May the odds be ever in my favor, I guess.


	3. Unsteady: Finnick's Choice

I fumbled my way through the under most stories of the mansion that stood over the floors of labs, arsenals and secret meeting rooms until I came upon Beetee's headquarters. It was never lost on me how easily we all moved around now and I wondered if it would ever truly feel safe.

"Finnick. I've been expecting you."

I heard his voice before I even saw him, and he wheeled around the large table in the center of the room and extended his hand to me. I smiled as best I could and shook his hand.

"It's good to see you." I greeted him as I reached up and pulled my cap off, already trying to study the projections he was displaying.

"Johanna said you might come. I'm glad you did. Come, over here, I won't waste your time."

He wheeled towards his display and fired up what looked like a circular graph. I wouldn't pretend to know what I was looking at. I sat down next to him, hesitantly.

"Ok, what am I looking at. And put it in terms a normal human could understand, if you don't mind."

He chuckled at my half-insult.

"This is a graph of brain activity," he gestured to the slopes and peaks as he spoke, "these red points you can see are traumas: stress, fear, paranoia, death...you name it. The green, flatter planes are normal everyday activity and function..."

"Making pancakes, using the bathroom..."

I interrupted him and he gave me a sidelong glance.

"Something like that. Finnick, we have been working with the medical team here to channel this electric current you see here to irradicate the peaks. Erase the fear, if you will. It's been successful. Several of the tributes and survivors have tried it in lesser doses."

I was nodding along. So far he hadn't lost me. He moved his fingers swiftly and pulled up another round graph. It was almost entirely red and spiky. Like a mountainous range of volcanoes. Beetee sighed and watched me watch him.

"This...this is Annie." He whispered.

I studied it again. My stomach ached at the visual interpretation of the chaos that had become her mind. I ran my hands through my hair.

"Jesus, Beetee..."

"I know," he continued slowly, "you see, fear is like a virus. It's spreading in her because it's been left untreated. There's still much fear in her. Her mind isn't adjusting the way the rest of ours' have."

I was racing my eyes across her chart, and landed on a tiny little strip of mellow green...barely noticeable, but there. I raised a finger and pointed to it.

"Here. What's this."

Beetee put his hand on my shoulder and enlarged it slightly with his other hand.

"That's you, Finnick. You're all she has left of District 4. We want to help her clear some of this pain. She if she can slowly regain what she has lost."

I rocked back in my chair. My mind reeling. My hands still on my head. I closed my eyes and pictured Annie in her chair by the window.

"And what if we can't?" I asked what seemed like an obvious question.

"Would she be any worse off than she is now? It's risky. But so is letting her go on the way she is, Finnick." I noticed him eyeballing my cut up jaw and covered it with my hand.

I heard his question but didn't respond. I knew the answer. But couldn't bring myself to say it. I bit my lip as I thought about all the things this could mean for Annie. For me.

"How am I supposed to convince her to do this? Most days lately I can't convince her I'm not trying to kill her."

It was no exaggeration. A few days earlier I was helping her shower and she tried to strangle me with a wash cloth. I was grateful everyday she wasn't stronger than I was.

"You don't have to."

Beetee passed me a clipboard with papers on top. I scanned over them quickly before noting her signature on the bottom of each page. Authorizing Beetee and his team to experiment. On her mind.

"What is this? When was she here?"

I was confused, stunned almost. And fighting off a sting of betrayal.

"Johanna has been coming to see me and last week she brought Annie. You were at the Tribute's Council. Johanna wanted Annie to see. She was very lucid, Finnick. We all agreed that it would be much harder to convince you than it was to convince her."

I stood up and turned my back to him, running my hands over my jacket, grabbing at the string and instinctively tying a knot in my fingers to calm my mind.

"She hardly knows her own name anymore, Beetee. She wouldn't understand all of this."

Beetee wheeled to me and spoke softly.

"She understands, Finnick. She understands the risk. She understands that it will be hard for you. But you are the reason she wants to try."

I hung my head slightly, still fumbling with a knot, unsure of what to say.

"Think it over, Finnick. Take your time. Talk to her. Just know that every day that passes is one day harder than the last."

I think I thanked him as I left but I can't be sure. I was clouded. My mind was racing with the possibility and the fear of something happening to her. There had been a time I had wished her dead, now I needed her alive and I didn't care what state she was in. It was selfish.

I walked slowly back down the Avenue of Tributes towards the building that housed her. I looked towards her window and there she sat. Johanna at her side, they were holding hands. Johanna waved as she saw me approaching and I reciprocated. But Annie just stared. I felt my heart sink a little.

I took the quiet elevator ride to our floor as a moment to just breathe and think. But it wasn't enough, and soon we were dinging at the appropriate floor.

I walked quietly back in the penthouse unsure how I was going to approach the situation. Or Johanna. Or Annie. I felt queasy and scared and angry all at once. Since when was I the last to know about things around here?

"Hey loverboy." Johanna called to me as she left Annie by the window and made her way to me. I didn't react the way she wanted to she eased up a little and her cocksure walk and expression both changed as she reached me.

"I was gonna tell you I just knew you'd need to see it for yourself." She had lowered her voice somewhat and I watched her speak trying to remind myself to be gracious but it wasn't firing.

"Since when do you know what's good for me before I do...since when do you care so much?"

I hadn't even gotten the words all the way out of my mouth before both her hands were on my shoulders and she was shoving me. Hard. I was knocked back on my heels.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Odair? Since when do I care? You know how many other things I could be doing right now? Instead of babysitting your crazy girlfriend or saving your ass again?"

She was lashing out at me and this time I just took it. She was right. She was the only one I really trusted to help me, and help me she had. But in that moment I needed to be mad. At someone, something...anything.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to her and my voice shook and barely came. If being emotional about what we were going to do with Annie wasn't going to upset me...the lack of sleep wasn't going to help either. She stopped her verbal assault and cocked her head. She looked sympathetic, which was rare for her.

"Look, I get it. I know. If I had anyone left that I have a shit about, I'd feel the same way." She tried in her self deprication to help me again.

"You give a shit about me. And Annie. Or you wouldn't be here."

She looked at me in silence before giving an exasperated "ugh" and then hugging me. She pulled me in tight and I squeezed her. Hard.

"Thank you. For everything." I whispered to her and she patted my back uneasily before pulling away from me and slipping back out into the hallway, pulling the door behind her.

I took off my hat and ran my hand through my messy hair, hopelessly trying to settle it. I used to resent salty, messy hair. Now I welcomed it as a reminder of who I used to be.

By the time I turned to face Annie, she had turned in her chair to face me and I could tell from her expression that she was with me. Her vacant look was gone, as it occasionally was, and her eyebrows were raised high with concern. I sat on the floor in front of her. She put a hand in my hair and I closed my eyes to her touch. Annie would spend hours weaving her fingers through my mop of hair...she used to tell me that it calmed her the way tying knots did for me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it for a moment. Then her other hand was on my jaw...fingers tracing the place she had split my skin.

"Finn..."

I opened my eyes.

"Don't, Annie. It wasn't you. I know that."

I let my hand find hers and pressed it to my cheek before turning my mouth towards it and kissing her palm. Gently, several times. I heard her breath hitching as I did.

"You talked to Beetee?" Her voice was shaky and nervous. I turned my face back to meet hers and nodded yes. "I have to try, Finnick. You know I have to try."

The sincerity and exhaustion in her voice brought the tears to my eyes I had hoped wouldn't come.

"No, Annie, you don't. Listen to me. We just got here. Let's make this place our own. We can make the Capitol what we would have had back home. We can give this place...this peace...a chance to work. A chance for you to try and..."

"No, Finnick."

She cut me off hard. He voice raised so much I was afraid that Annie was about to retreat into her own mind again and I braced myself, holding on to her hand and ready to restrain it if I had to.

"See? You're afraid of me. I don't want you to live in fear of what I might do. I don't want you to sleep with a rope under your pillow. I don't want you to look at me the way you're looking at me right now."

I turned my eyes from her, ashamed. I knew she was right. And sometimes I couldn't help but look at her the way everyone else looked at us and I hated myself for it.

"What do you want, then?" I asked her quietly...desperate to have her there with me as long as I could. She slunk out of her chair and joined me on the floor, easing herself softly into my lap and taking my face in her hands.

"I want to be the person you deserve. I want to be who I was. Not this shell. I want to beat the Capitol, too, by taking my life back from them. I want to be the kind of woman you can have babies with and grow old with and be safe with..." she started to cry and I joined her, both of us holding each other as if letting go meant losing the other. She continued speaking the words I know she must have gone over a hundred times, "I don't want to spend my days wishing you away to Katniss Everdeen because I feel like she deserves you and I don't."

I shook my head no in her hands.

"Don't do this just for me Annie. It's risky. I could lose you. I can't lose you..."

"It's for both of us. And if I don't...you've already lost me. We've all already lost."

I pressed my face into hers and shortly thereafter my lips. She wrapped her arms and legs around me and we sat on the floor, crying silently together at all we had lost, and all we were about to risk. I found myself absentmindedly twisting her long red hair into looks knots as she continued to kiss me. We were lost in each other, humming softly against the other as our kiss deepened. I felt a heat in my stomach that was increasingly difficult to ignore and I could feel myself wanting her...needing her. I started to lean back against the floor and she followed, leaning over me and slowly lifting her skirt until her bare legs rested on mine. My fingers shook as I ran them down my stomach and between us, reaching to undo my pants anxiously. My breath was leaving me and all I could think about was being with her.

Three loud bangs at the door.

And just like that, Annie was off of me. Her uncovered legs scurrying wildly as she walked backward in her hands and feet like a terrified crab until she had backed herself against the window. I fastened my pants and rose after her as quickly as I could.

"Annie, you're safe. I'm here. Stay with me." I moved after her, both hands in the air to show I meant her no harm.

"They're here, Finnick. Don't let them take me. I can't go back in that arena. Please, Finnick! Don't let them take me!"

I was hushing her gently, cooing in her ears, asking her to be quiet.

"Guess it sounds like everything's alright then?!" came Johanna's voice sarcastically through the door. Back to check on us.

"We're fine thank you." I called back to her, hissing through gritted teeth, filled with anger at what I had just missed. I turned back to face Annie, whose beauty still took me even as she sat shaking and embarrassed. She mouthed the words 'I'm sorry' and slunk against the window, her hands to her mouth.

I moved to her and took her in my arms, assuring her.

"There will never...ever...be another Hunger Games. That's what we are staying here to see to. I promise you I will never let anyone take you. I shouldn't have let them take you the first time. It was my fault. All of this."

She had no idea how true those words were, and I'm not sure I would ever be able to bring myself to tell her why.

She turned her head into me and grabbed fistfuls of my sweater in her trembling fists.

"Tell me a story, Finnick."

I smiled as I held her, looking down at her small frame pressed to mine. She had always loved for me to tell her stories. Since the day I met her. And hearing her ask never failed to warm and comfort me.

"Which one?" I asked.

"Tell me about the day we met."'


	4. Unsteady: Finnick Meets Annie (A Memory)

Anymore I had hated being paraded back through District Four. It was a confusing feeling. I should like to go home, to get the hell away from the Capitol. But what used to fill me with pride for my family and my district now just humiliated me. And I knew for every person that would line the street to see me, there were ten more at home...resenting the cocky Capitol playboy they seemed to know I had become. Even my own parents...I felt like somehow they knew what was happening to me and being powerless to stop it just meant that they no longer knew how to react when I was home.

But Snow was diligent in sending me back every quarter or so, to keep hope alive in Four in a way that Mags didn't always do.

Mags. 

She was the only thing in Four I took any comfort in anymore. The only person who knew me. Who knew what they were doing to me. I tried to remind myself, even as the train pulled into the station, that at the very least I would have three nights in a bed of my own. Not being sold off to the highest bidder nightly, as had become the norm for me.

The train lurched to a stop and I took a short look in the mirror before departing. Sharp blue suit, high neck, dazzling details. All Capitol for sure. That was me. I dreamed of a time when I could wear nothing but the cottony pants of a fisherman and a shirt only if I really decided I needed one. I adjusted my collar and my smile and made my way for the station.

Luckily Mags was the first to greet me, and greet me she did. She wrapped me warmly in a hug and I was sincerely happy for a moment. She patted my back and then turned me to face the crowd, holding my hand with her in the air as the people cheered my name. I smiled and waved and played my part even as I felt sick to my stomach over it.

I followed Mags back to the Victor's Village and she cooked me lunch. We sat and visited. Which was nice...but I was itching. One, it was hard to look Mags, who was like a mother to me, in the eye when she asked how they were treating me. If she had any idea of the things I had been made to do...it might have killed her. And two, I was dying to get to the water. She could see it in my eyes. She put her food down and took my hand, a devilish grin on her face.

She led me to the room I kept there, and laid out on the bed were the simple clothes of a fisherman. My pole. My reels. My nets.

"Mags...you're too good to me." She smiled broadly and then made a shooing motion, suggesting I go quickly. As soon as she left the room I changed like I was on fire, packed a bag and snuck out. There was a harbor that backed into the village in our district. Private only for tributes. And I couldn't wait to be there.

I made my way down the sand in my bare feet and reveled at the hot sand between my toes. I stood at the coast and let the water lap my feet. I took a deep breath and stood there, letting my net fall to the sand. I dropped my reel and the small trident Mags had fashioned for me. I wanted to just feel the sun on my skin and not think about anything. I reached behind my head and grabbed at the loose fabric of my shirt, pulled it over my head and tossed it into the tiny boat that was tied up against the dock. I let out a sigh. The sounds of the sea calmed my mind and I wished I could just hop in the boat and set off and never look back.

Suddenly, there was a large splash in the water. I opened my eyes and watched the calm water ripple by the dock between the crests of crashing waves. I instinctively grabbed my trident. If it was a fish it was a big one. I eased slowly into the water until the waves were lapping at my knees, my trident raised in the air. I waded deeper until I had almost rounded the dock. There was commotion under the water. And something red and clothlike floating there. I backed up a step and studied it, still ready to strike. Bubbles escaped and then finally, in a giant whoosh of water, a woman popped through the surface, gasping for air.

I backed up, surprised, and wondering if the Capitol had somehow created mermaid mutts to stock the sea. The commotion knocked me from my feet and I fell into the water. A hand grabbed mine.

"I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." There was a hint of laughter to the sweet voice of the person that was helping me. I took her hand and rose to my feet, clearing the sea water from my eyes.

And there she stood.

I thought again that it might be some kind of siren. Her sunset red hair spilled over her shoulders and covered her breasts...which was a good thing for her modesty because nothing else did. A white, almost see through, skirt clung to her hips and legs. She was standing shyly in front of me as if she were afraid to move. I studied her for longer than I should have, but I was so taken by her appearance I couldn't help it. She was beautiful for sure. But beautiful and covered in sea and sand was a combination I couldn't ignore. I felt myself smile and laugh.

"You know this is a private beach." I tried my best to sound firm.

"I do. But it's also the most beautiful beach in Four and no one ever uses it. Seems like a shame to me."

Her cocksure answer took me by surprise and excited me all at once. I bit my lip.

"You know, those of us that use it have had to earn it in ways you can't even imagine."

I took a step towards her, I meant it. And she shook. This tiny innocent thing that didn't back down and refused to be intimidated by me, even as I rose my trident slightly. She cleared her throat.

"Yes, and I also know that Finnick Odair would do anything for the people of his district. Including letting a poor fisherman's daughter enjoy the warmth of the sun and the cool of the sea...instead of keeping such a treasure for himself while he parades around the Capitol and leaves us to starve."

I furrowed my brow. Her flirtatious tone took a nasty turn that surprised me. I was still processing her words as she reached for her wet tendrils of hair, scooping them back over her shoulders with her hands and loosely tying a braid as she totally uncovered the upper half of her body.

Now I was pretty accustomed to seeing a woman's bare breasts at this point in my life but something was different here and I stuttered, looking away from her and trying not to stare. She had stunned me and I was annoyed by it and thrilled by it at the same time.

And just like that she slipped back into the water and was gone. I dove under and made a desperate attempt to catch her...or even find her...but she outswam me which infuriated me. I searched the horizon for her before sinking back to the dock and pulling up on it to get a better look.

"Damnit." I whispered. For more reasons than one.

I grabbed my things and made my way back up the beach, turning once to look back out to the water but there was no sign of her. Maybe she was a sea witch, and maybe I had imbibed a little too much at the Captiol. I saw Mags beaming broadly as I approached. She giggled her quirky little laugh and clapped her hands together. I smirked at her and lowered my brow. I should have known.

"You knew about this Mags? What...did you invite her here?"

Mags shrugged her shoulders and continued to giggle as she sat at the table she had set with dinner and pulled a chair out for me. I set my things down and shook the last bit of sea water from my hair before sitting with my legs crossed on the seat and taking in the fish and biscuits Mags had prepared for me. A far cry from my fancy Capitol soirées, and I couldn't be happier.

I was staring out at the water and I found myself lost in thought about the girl in the water until I noticed I was smiling and Mags staring.

"Alright, alright, Mags. I'll bite. Who is she?"

Mags winked at me and tapped the table proudly before pointing a long ways down the shore to a familiar shanty there. I had known it when I lived in Four. Her parents ran a small restaurant on the pier before the peacemakers arrived and it had since been used as an outpost for bartering and trading. I laughed to myself. I remembered her from when we were young. She was a spit of a thing that never talked much and always had a wild mane of wavy red hair that surrounded her like a halo. The people of Four would gather on the pier and watch her elaborate dives into the water or place bets on how long she could hold her breath before resurfacing.

"The flaming siren..." They called her and I whispered it as I smiled at the memory. I turned back to Mags. She was grinning at me and took my hand over the table, patting it and and then pointing towards the shanty again before closing her hand over her heart. It was obvious Mags had an affinity for this girl. And it was catching. I was almost lost in the day dream with her til reality crashed back on us. I pulled my hand from Mags and looked back out to sea.

"You're very good to me Mags. But you and I both know Snow will never let me come back here. Live a normal life. That's all gone now. And I certainly can't put anyone else at risk."

I hung my head and then turned to Mags. Her gaze had changed too. She looked at the water and then turned to me. I saw her look over my chest and my body and I felt uneasy in my own skin. Her face grew concerned. She cleared her throat and I knew she was going to try to speak.

"Finnick," she garbled in her thick sea accent, so heavy that she so rarely even spoke anymore, "do they still make you...are they still hurting you?"

I could tell from the pain in her face that it hurt her to even think it much less say it, and the idea of her thinking of me doing those things was humiliating. I grabbed my plate and couldn't look at her anymore.

"Thank you for dinner, Mags." I spoke quickly as I left her alone on the patio and returned to my room.

I sat in my room and stared out the window. I wanted to badly to just stop time. To create a place where I could escape to the next time my body was in a place my mind couldn't handle. I knew Mags' heart was in the right place but she would never understand what I had been through and I would never want her to.

I was staring at the water when something moved in the corner of my eye. I recognized the cloud of blowing auburn hair and this time the body that went with it was dressed. In a long white dress that blew along the shore like it was moving in slow motion. Without thinking I pushed up from the bed to run down the beach. Then I stopped in my tracks. I shouldn't. I knew being close to me was a danger for anyone. Staying in my room until they paraded me around or sent me off to be sold would be better for everyone. Everyone but me. Selfishly, I wanted to talk to her again.

I pulled a light blue shirt on and hastily grabbed my trident trying to look like I had another reason other than her to head to the water.

I tried not to run down the shore, but I didn't want to miss her entirely or lose her into the water again. She saw me coming towards her and stopped in place, as if she were waiting for me. So I slowly walked towards her. She studied me as I approached her and I rested my trident in the sand. She studied it, too.

"You don't plan to kill me with that, do you?" Her voice was playful but a hint of actual fear was underlying. I twirled it in my hand to taunt her.

"Only if you plan on swimming in restricted water again." I smiled at her and she coyly returned it.

"I...I came to apologize. I'm sorry about earlier. I just wanted to make, well, an impression."

I laughed out loud and she joined me.

"Show up naked, make an impression. I'll have to try that sometime..."

"You mean you haven't already?" She was verbally sparring me and it excited me more than anything I could remember. I looked past her towards he pier and then back at her. Her greenish blue eyes matched the sea behind her and her hair was fading into the horizon just like the sunset.

"Did you swim all the way home earlier?" I asked her, raising a brow. She nodded yes, humbly.

"Impressive."

I threw my trident in the sand and sat by it, looking up to her to invite her to join me. And she did.

I offered her my hand, realizing it was unnecessary but it was what I was so accustom to, "I'm Finnick Odair. It's a pleasure to meet the girl who watches over my beach in my absence."

She smiled and took my hand, squeezing it warmly. I felt my thumb trail over her hand without meaning to as she responded, "I'm Annie Cresta. I take care of your boat, too. You're welcome." She winked at me and I was sunk. Literally. I smiled at her and then turned to face the sea, inhaling the salt air.

"I know the Capitol is amazing. And I know they have decimated this place that you loved, Finnick, but how could you give this up? This sea. This view."

I hardly knew her but in that moment I wanted nothing more than to tell her exactly why. Instead my hands fumbled with a shell in the sand as I dreamed up a reply.

"I wish it were that simple. The Capitol is my home now, Annie." I gulped and she was watching me as I spoke. She leaned in and whispered.

"I don't believe you."

Instinctively I pulled away from her, then turned to read her face. It was sincere, warm...and beautiful. She cracked an effortless smile and tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear.

"I watched you in those games. I've watched you on display. At your parties. With your hundreds of beautiful girls..." She blushed and I was sure I matched her, feeling embarrassed by her, "...you're special Finnick Odair, but not in the way the Capitol thinks. I always knew there was something about you. Ever since you were that tan, wild haired boy that would throw his spears at me while I dove from the pier."

My eyes widened as she spoke and she giggled to herself as she rose from the sand and dusted it from her dress. How could she remember that? I did tease her. Relentlessly. But that was so long ago. I watched in awe as she stood and almost danced as she backed away from me.

"Goodbye, Finnick, like I said...my parents wanted me to apologize. No one around here needs an enemy in the Capitol..."

I was scrambling to my feet, wanting her to stay more than just about anything.

"Wait, Annie..." I was calling after her as she twirled and laughed in the sun and sand running from me. But suddenly she stopped. Turned. She bit her lip before running back at me and crashing into me hard, almost knocking me into the sand.

"Whoa..." I muttered as I grabbed her waist to steady us both. And before I knew it she had closed her lips on mine. I opened my eyes before letting them drift shut, turning my head to deepen her kiss to show her two could play this game. She moaned into my mouth and I pulled her tight against me, slowly running my hands on her lower back as my tongue crept past her lips.

Then she pulled away from me and separated us with a pop. We were both out of breath and heaving as she looked in my eyes, smiling and chuckling.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Not every day you get a chance to kiss a victor. I figured I couldn't let the opportunity pass, in case I don't get another..."

And then, just like that, she was gone again. I watched her run through the sand, hair whipping behind her. I stopped for my trident and ran a hand through my mane, but never took my eyes off of her. I was biting my lip and still tasting her there.

"I'm in trouble..." I whispered to myself.


	5. Unsteady: Finnick and Katniss

Talking to Annie about the brief times we shared before the Capitol tore our world's apart always brought her comfort, and I'd be lying if I said they didn't do the same for me. Just running my fingers through her hair and reliving those guarded times at the beach was always enough to keep me going. And now, we were facing a future where that might become a real possibility for us again. If she could get better.

Annie had fallen asleep on me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a tiny needle that I carefully stuck into her arm. She didn't budge. Good. We had taken to giving her intravenous drugs to help her not only fall asleep but stay asleep, since we all decided that her lack of sleep was only exacerbating the problem. I waited for her to become heavy in my arms and then lifted her, cradling her to me as I carried her to bed.

I gingerly laid her down and pulled the blankets around her tight. She smiled slightly in her sleep and I was grateful that, however short it may be, she was at some kind of peace. I kissed her forehead and slid from her room, locking the door as I did. I never felt any less guilty locking her into her room but I knew it was for her own safety as well as mine.

I knew that when she woke we would be taking on something that I didn't know either of us were prepared for. And I just wanted to numb myself to it for as long as I could. I walked to the bathroom and ran a bath, feeling that familiar urge to be in the water. I tossed my clothes aside and hissed as I slid into the hot water, my skin turning pink almost immediately but the pain was just enough to take my mind off of what was ahead. I filled the tub high and then shut the water off, letting myself sink fully under it to close my eyes, ears and mind to the world.

Even under the water I thought I heard a noise in the main room. I sat up and stilled myself in the water and listened again. Nothing. So I sunk back under, taking a deep breath. I could close my eyes and imagine I was floating...perfectly and peacefully...at sea. Miles from this place. I let my eyes flutter open briefly looking up from under the water and there was a figure in black standing before me that was marbled as if behind stained glass, but I knew it wasn't Annie.

I lunged from the water and raised a hand to wipe my face off.

"Who is it?! What are you doing here?" I shouted as I tried to focus my eyes and caught a glimpse of long, black hair.

Katniss.

"Shit, Katniss, you scared the hell out of me."

I was running my hands over my face to clear the water from it. Steam was still rising not only from the water but my arms as well.

"I'm sorry," there was a hint of a giggle in her voice as she knelt beside the tub and trailed her finger through the water, "I called and there was no answer. I saw that Annie was in her room so I didn't want to make too much noise. I'm sorry."

I smiled at her slightly and then noticed her eyes trailing down the tub and had the sudden realization that not only was I naked but I had been the whole time. I quickly adjusted and folded my legs up in the tub.

She blushed and I think I probably did, too, before reaching for a towel. She stood back and turned around so I could get out of the tub.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you." She whispered with her back still towards me.

"You didn't embarrass me. I mean, everyone else has seen it, right?"

I tried to make light of it and not let her know she had, in fact, embarrassed me. I was hoping my cheeks weren't still pink as she turned back around.

"You talked to Beetee."

I nodded yes as I shook some water out of my hair and ears. She smiled slightly.

"I know you're scared, Finnick. Don't forget I've been there. I know how it feels to feel like the person you love is trapped inside a body they can't trust. I'm here, too." She had stepped towards me and closed the space between us. I knew she was right. I knew that regardless of what Annie and I had felt or shared that no one would ever understand me like Katniss. No one else had been through two games, Snow's torture after...we were so alike in that way and it bonded us. We knew it.

"Thank you." She reached up and touched my cheek.

"You're so hot." She whispered, concerned. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"You're not so bad yourself..." I teased her. She punched my arm softly.

"I mean you feel hot, you jerk. Are you ok?"

I was sure it was just the hot bath water, but I never really felt 'ok' anymore. So I changed the subject as only I could.

"How's Peeta?"

She furrowed her brow a bit.

"I'm not here to talk about Peeta. But he's fine. Adjusting slowly, like the rest of us."

I nodded. Whatever it was that made me jealous of Peeta was not something I was ever comfortable with. I had turned away and hung my head, resting my knuckles on the counter by the sink.

"What is it?" Katniss asked, moving behind me until I could feel her press against my back, her hand on my still wet arm. I shook my head no slightly. I wasn't sure what was bothering me in that moment. But it wasn't her style to let it go.

"Talk to me, Finn, you don't have to go through this alone."

I turned to her and tried to blink back the water in my eyes as I thought about delivering Annie to basically be electrocuted.

"I just keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong..."

"Shhhhhhh..." She hushed me and pulled me towards her, into what started as an innocent hug.

"Think about what could go right. She's choosing this. Just be there for her."

"Like you're there for me..." My voice was low and there wasn't a lot of space between us to fill. I saw her swallow hard. Her lower lip trembled as she whispered.

"I'll always be here for you. You know that."

"I know." My voice hardly came and for whatever reason I followed with a kiss. Softly on her lips at first and then deeper. Wronger. But neither of us stopped. Her hands clasped around my back and she was clutching me desperately, whispering my name against me and I pushed myself towards her, a hand in her hair, clawing at her and pushing my tongue into her mouth fiercely. I was absent mindedly pushing towards her and backing her against the wall. Her hands were all over my back and I wanted to just lose myself completely in her. I felt her hands grab at the towel on my waist and I pulled away from her just enough to let it fall to the ground. As soon as it did she pulled me back into her. I reached up and started to grab at the buttons on her top, desperate to feel more of her against me. If we had been fighting back some kind of urge to be closer to each other...for whatever reason it was crashing down all around us now.

She moved her hands between us and took me firmly in her grasp. I broke our kiss and threw my head back from her, inhaling sharply as I grew quickly in her hand...unable to stop myself from moving into her hands. I lowered my head to look at her and her eyes were wide and studying me. I took her face in my hands and in her eyes I saw the flashes of everything we had been through...the games, the battle to the Capitol, losing Peeta and Annie.

Annie.

I pulled away from her quickly. Breathless. Scared. And suddenly mortified to be naked in front of her.

"Finnick...it's ok..."

"It's not ok, Katniss." I turned on her, harsher that I should have, pulling back on the pants I had tossed aside earlier, "this isn't who I am anymore."

"Finnick...I didn't come here because I think this is who you are, give me a little more credit please..."

I was reeling from what had happened and trying to calm myself down quickly. I meant it. I wasn't that Finnick anymore. The Finnick who used his body to get what he wanted or comfort himself without caring about how it would feel afterwards. And I certainly couldn't hurt Annie like that, or Katniss...or Peeta.

"I'm sorry. This isn't either of us. We can't do this." I was standing firm in front of her, trying to make myself believe it. Her eyes glassed over and she put her hand over her mouth and whispered through it...

"No it's not. I'm sorry...I thought that you...I thought...I need to go."

She moved quickly to get past me and I put my arm out to stop her before putting my arms on her shoulders to keep her from leaving.

"Katniss..." she wouldn't look at me so I took her chin in one hand and forced her to, trying my best to smile and calm her, "you and I have been through so much in this world. And we did it for them. We can't throw that all away now. What have we been fighting for?"

I saw a resolve grow in her face. She nodded slightly and blinked back a tear. I saw on her face the same confusion that I was feeling in my gut. A confusion I had fought against since the moment I met her. Being drawn to her but afraid of why.

"You love Annie. Real or not real?" She whispered to me and without hesitating I answered.

"Real, Katniss. And you love Peeta. Real or not real."

"Real, Finnick." She answered with a slight hesitation that I tried to ignore before continuing shakily, "you love me...real or not real?"

I pursed my lips and brow at the same time. I didn't know how to answer her.

"Katniss...I...I can't..."

It wasn't an answer and I hated myself for it. But the truth is I didn't know what to say. And I couldn't lie. I felt sick. She looked lost. And hurt. And maybe something else. She pulled away from me, sniffled and wiped her face. Her voice was cold.

"I forgot. You're good at knowing how to make things feel real. A professional even."

Her words stung deep and I tried to not let them hurt me but I retaliated too quickly.

"Well, there's something else we have in common." I hissed back at her as she left the bathroom and I listened as she quickly left the penthouse as well. I clenched my fists. Angry at more things than I understood, my head swirling and empty at the same time. I slunk down along the wall and just tucked my head into my knees. I wanted to cry but even that wouldn't come. After all this time, why was this happening now...when every thought in my head should be of Annie and keeping her healthy and safe. Of keeping her with me.

And now all I could think about was losing Katniss, too. And how good it felt to kiss her.

I wondered if things would ever be easy again.


	6. Unsteady: Annie's Choice

I sat on the couch, fully dressed and ready to go. It was hours before Annie woke but I couldn't tell you a single thing I did in all of that time. I just sat there. I thought about Annie. I thought about Katniss. I thought about Peeta. I thought about the millions of other people that could be affected by any actions the four of us took. It was overwhelming.

Finally as dawn was breaking I heard her calling to me from her room. I took a deep breath and hurried to the door, unlocking it swiftly and opening it to find her sitting at the edge of her bed, looking towards me.

"Morning..." She called to me plainly and quietly. A faint smile on her tired face. I walked slowly to the bed and sat beside her, taking her hand in mine tightly. She squeezed it and then covered it with her other hand before turning to face me.

"Are you ready?" I asked her, silently begging myself to be as calm and self assured as I had ever been, but sure she could see through it.

"Are you?" She countered without asking. I wanted to tell her no. I knew what she was risking. Having dangerously high levels of electricity conducted through her brain. I'd seen Peeta electrocuted. I knew the risks even if she wanted to remain ignorant to them. She squeezed my hand harder. I could tell she was trying to find the right words to say.

"I remember talking to Mags once. After you had left the district. About all of your affairs and conquests and...the things that we would hear about you..." I shuddered uncomfortably as she talked about my past, the way I always did, she held my hand tighter and continued, "no, Finnick. Don't be ashamed of your past. Not anymore. I asked Mags how you could do those things. How that wasn't the Finnick that I knew. How it didn't add up. She told me that you were strong. That the Capitol may control your body but they would never own your mind."

I wasn't sure where she was going but it was starting to feel like goodbye and I was growing more and more uneasy.

"She was right. They never took your mind," her voice was wavering and her eyes welled up with tears. I felt mine do the same. "They took mine, Finn. And I don't want to keep living like this. I need to know that you are with me because you want to be not because you're my mentor and you feel...sorry for me."

I turned to her and took both other hands in mine. She was breaking m heart.

"I love you, Annie. I need you to know that."

"I do, Finnick."

"But I need you to know something, else," she arched her brows and gazed at me through her tears, "the night before you were reaped for the Hunger Games. I disobeyed Snow. I humiliated him. I did something I shouldn't have done. And he made me pay for it, Annie. If I had just done what he asked me to do..."

"We wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't have gotten to be with you. To spend that time with you as my mentor. I wouldn't change a single second of that, Finnick Odair. None of this was your fault."

I closed my eyes against the tears that erupted at her words...words that I had been needing to hear so desperately for six years. She took me in her arms and whispered them again as I wept into her shoulder.

"You have to survive this Annie."

"So do you."

She dressed and prepared quietly in her room and emerged in a sweater and hat, ready to face the cold of the outside she hadn't yet grown comfortable in. I took her by the arm and we silently went for the door.

We opened it to meet a surprised Johanna.

"Hey, lovebirds."

She snarled at us and looked us both over.

"Look I just wanted to say good luck today. And, you know, I'll be here, ok?"

I smiled at her and patted her shoulder, I knew that showing any kind of emotion was rare for her. She rolled her eyes at me and then Annie hugged her, which made her look almost sick to her stomach.

"Jesus, Annie, it's not my birthday. And listen...if you don't come out of this you should know that I'll take care of Finnick for you. But I'm gonna start by sitting that ridiculous hair. I mean how do you even look at him with a straight face."

She had turned to walk away before either of us could respond and I saw her wiping her cheeks as she did. She was a huge pain in the ass. But she cared for us deeply whether she wanted to or not. I took Annie's arm and we climbed silently into the elevator.

We walked peacefully through the Avenue Of Tributes. I knew we were both thinking the same thing. The parades and displays we had been involved in. I turned to her and remembered how she looked the day her own games started...a beautiful mermaid with a chariot to match. Stark contrast to the quiet, fearful girl I had on my arm.

We arrived at Beetee's and things were so ready to go I wondered if they hadn't over prepared to give me less of a chance to change my mind, or hers.

Plutarch met me at the door.

"You're doing the right thing, Finnick. We have had nothing but success with these cases." He turned to Annie and assured her as well, as two medics escorted her down the hall. She looked at me in a panic and stopped in her tracks.

"It's ok Annie, we will send Finnick in as soon as you are prepped. Ok?" Plutarch attempted to soothe her.

She nodded and I smiled at her, trying to fake bravery. As soon as she was out of my sight I slumped and inhaled sharply, like I might get sick.

"How long will it take?" I asked. He shrugged and looked over at the display being projected in the glass just past us in room just behind him.

"It's hard to say. Beetee will monitor her brain activity and we will start small. She will receive a dosage of electricity every thirty minutes until we see a change in those peaks and traumas. But I'd be lying if I said I thought it would be easy. We haven't seen this kind of post traumatic stress before. Her brain is fragile."

"Worst case scenario..." I almost hummed, my voice so low. I think I knew what it was but I needed to hear him say it.

"Worst case scenario is her brain is too fragile. And it shuts itself down to the shock. It would be quick and painless, Finnick. We should all be so lucky. She would have no idea what was happening to her."

I raised my hands to my eyes and covered them. I was exhausted. Quick and painless. For her. Unbearable for me. I nodded in understanding.

I sat quietly for a long while as Plutarch went to check on her. I saw Beetee and some medics preparing her table, and shortly thereafter she was brought in. Her hair was braided around her face and her white hospital gown was the only thing draped on her. I could tell she was uneasy and scared. I stood at the glass hoping she would see me but realized they couldn't see out. So I just watched, helpless, until Plutarch came back and called me in.

I moved towards Annie cautiously, not ok with seeing her hooked up to dozens of machines I didn't understand as medics fastened wires to a halo like ring that sat on the top of her head. I sat next to her and noticed Beetee motion for everyone to leave.

"Hi, handsome." She whispered faintly to me and I could tell she was already mildly sedated. Her eyes were heavy. I wanted so badly to beg her not to do it. To remind her we could still wait. But I needed to be strong for her, no matter how scared seeing her there made me.

"We've been through worse than this, Finnick Odair," she was whispering slower and I could tell she was drifting off. I stroked her forehead and moved closer as she continued, "and now I need to tell you something. The months before my games...I broke every law I could find: I stole fish, I broke curfew, I disobeyed peacekeepers. My name was in that jar one hundred and seventy two times. I wanted them to pick me. I knew you were never coming back to Four. I knew what I had to do to find you."

Her voice was barely coming now and her eyes had fluttered closed as she finished her last sentence. I felt a lump in my throat grow and come from my mouth in the form of a cough that turned to a cry. I only hoped she was asleep and didn't hear me. I knew she was trying to comfort me. To let me off the hook, but the idea of her working to get into those games...the games that destroyed her...for me? It felt horrible.

"Just come back to me, Annie...try."

I whispered against her chest and laid there for a minute until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"It's time, Finnick." It was Plutarch. He whispered gently and led me out of the room. I turned to look at her one last time before the door slid shut behind me. I turned and stood at the glass as the room filled with medical staff. I saw Beetee and his team sitting behind a sort of control board and silently cursed myself for not knowing more about what he did.

"It could be hours, Finnick. Go rest in a bunk or walk. I know you haven't slept."

I nodded at Plutarch's suggestion and headed down a hallway to a few rooms I knew they had reserved for such a thing. I stopped and looked back towards the main room, I saw several people shuffling in and out and the lights dimmed. I fought the urge to go back and just stand there but I didn't trust myself and Plutarch was right. I was running on fumes. I cracked open a door to a room with a simple cot, a chair and table. Without so much as taking my shoes off I laid down and stared at the ceiling silently begging for this to just be over and everything to go the way I wanted it to go. I was tired of feeling helpless. Yet that's exactly what I was.

There was a knock on the door.

I turned and sat up quickly, disoriented and unsure of where I was at first. I glanced towards the door and saw Peeta.

"What time is it? Is everything ok?"

Peeta walked into the room and sat a plate of food on the table.

"It's been three hours. Everything is ok."

Three hours. I must have slept harder than I realized possible since I didn't even realize I had slept at all. I glanced at the food but I couldn't imagine eating it.

"Thank you."

I gestured towards it and sat up fully in the cot. Peeta came in and sat across from me in the chair.

"I should be thanking you..."

He leaned towards me, all sincerity and innocence as usual. I thought about the night before with Katniss and suddenly found it hard to look at him. It was the same feeling I would get when a woman I had previously bedded introduced me to her husband at a fancy Capitol event. Only this time I couldn't mask it with fake machismo or charm.

"Thank me for what?" I asked him, still hardly able to look at him and hoping it wasn't obvious.

"For everything you did for Katniss and me. You saved me. You saved her. I never really had a chance to say that. I'm grateful for everything you did. And I want you to know that we are both here to pay you back. However we can help, you know?"

"Thank you, Peeta. That means a lot."

I managed to look up at him and smile. He returned it. I was starting to feel myself calm down again when I noticed three or four medical staff members rush past my open door. I saw Peeta react, too.

I was on my feet and moving towards the door to follow them with Peeta tight behind me. We were passed up by a few other personnel and I heard Peeta ask them what was going on. I was too focused on Plutarch, who was standing at the glass watching the whole scene unfold with his hand over his mouth. There were more people in there than there should have been and my heart was racing as I cursed myself for falling asleep.

"What is it? What's happening?" I was calling to him before I reached the glass. I couldn't see Annie at all past the people working with her but I saw her charts projected in the air behind her. A mostly flat line. A flat line. A line. No peaks. No valleys. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. My head was pounding and it ached as I started to feel like the weight of the building was threatening to bury me underground.

"Finnick, there was a complication..."

His words echoed in my ears and I felt his hand on my back to steady me. I turned to face him and felt like I was moving in slow motion. Suddenly Haymitch appeared beside him and put his hands on my shoulders. I shook him off violently and heard several unknown voices ask me to calm down.

"We need to get him out of here..." Plutarch whispered but I heard him. And all I could see was the girl in the water swimming away from me as Haymitch and Peeta pulled me down the hall.


	7. Unsteady: Finnick's Mistake (A Memory)

It was the evening of my twentieth birthday, which happened to coincide with the reaping of the 70th Hunger Games. I had survived five years of being used for sport and amusement by the Capitol but still very few things could remind me what real fear felt like in the way that the reaping did. I was uneasy. Sitting by the window watching the bustling night life of the Capitol and dreading having to put on a happy face and venture out into it. There was a knock on the door.

One of the Avox who served my particular wing and tribute suite arrived with some food and a note. Attached to it was a single white rose and it was about enough to make me scream right then and there. This particular Avox was one whom I had befriended secretly in my time there. The look on her usually expressionless face matched mine. I took the rose and the letter and pushed the rest of the tray back at her.

"You eat it. I'm alright."

She nodded silently and departed. I sat down uneasily on the back of the couch and carefully fingered the envelope so as not to tear my latest set of instructions.

I didn't like what I read. And no sooner had I read it, two peacekeepers knocked and walked in all at once and I knew where they were taking me.

I had been summoned by Snow.

When we arrived by car at his mansion I felt like I was living a nightmare. Like I was watching it play out for someone else. I was carefully tying and untying knots...trying to close my mind and picture the beach. More specifically the red headed girl I had met there who probably had no idea she had helped me survive the past two years.

I was escorted inside and stopped by several Capitol show people...some of which had previously had the pleasure of my company. One of which went as far as to pull me into an embrace and run her hand up and down my crotch. I tried to brush it off...I had bigger problems.

Wen the door to Snow's grand dining room opened everyone stood and clapped, but it was slow and insincere mockery from most...especially Snow. I took my designated place at the table directly across from him.

Don't eat...don't drink...I reminded myself. In my years of trading secrets, some of the women who hated him as much as I did had offered me protection from some of his traps. Most notably his penchant for poisons.

The room stilled as Snow stood to make a toast.

"Happy eve of the Hunger Games," he roared, to great applause, "as a special gift to you, my guests, I have requested the presence of Finnick Odair. Arguably our nations most famous and most loved victor, to join in our celebratory meal and regale us with the stories of how powerful being a victor is. To remind us how lucky we are to be where we are, surrounded by the peace and prosperity of our city, and to show us gratitude for plucking him from an insignificant life in a dying district...to allow him to live with us here."

They clapped and cheered again. I tried as best I could to not throw something off the table. Instead I forced a smile and a quiet thank you. Through gritted teeth as Snow watched me and waited for me to mess up. He raised his hands to silence them.

"Finnick is also a wonderful reminder of how, even if we idolize our victors...and crest celebrities and icons out of them...they will still always know their place in our society. At the bottom. To serve us."

I felt every muscle in my body ache and twitch at the same time and I was gripping my knees so tightly under the table I thought I might draw blood. He sneered at me and I was silently wondering what I had done wrong to deserve this before reminding myself it never mattered.

"Finnick, please stand, won't you?" His fake manners and sincerity made my blood boil and I found myself desperately trying to find something in the room to stare at so as not to make eye contact with anyone. I heard the rustle of napkins and clatter of silverware and I wondered how many of them were as uncomfortable as I was.

"Take your clothes off." He sat down as he spoke and I saw him wipe the side of his mouth as my heart started pounding so loudly it was all I could hear. I hesitated a second too long.

"Maybe you didn't hear me..." He hissed and then laughed and was joined by several other guests. I forced a smile but didn't speak. Symbolically I was as mute as the Avox that were clearing the table and meant as much to Snow.

I undid my jacket and laid it on the chair beside me before undoing my shirt slowly because my fingers were trembling so much I stifled to pop the buttons through.

"He's trembling, President. Trembling! Poor boy is shy in your presence. May I help? Please sir!"

I didn't look down to see which of Snow's guests was speaking but it was a high pitched, rattling voice that came with a throaty giggle. He nodded to her and granted her permission and just like that I heard the click of her high heels rounding the table. She came up behind me and wrapped her hands around my chest. She cooed and laughed and moaned from behind me as she peeled my shirt off. She turned round my side, tracing her long black fingernails across my stomach and then chest. She let out a gutteral moan and tilted my chin to face her.

"Finnick Odair I have heard...such...wonderful...things..." Her words were breathless and full of lust and I swallowed hard before taking her hand and kissing the op of it.

"All true, I'm sure." I whispered to her and she giggled. I had to play this game. I was picturing the ocean and then seeing my family drowning in it. I had no choice. I reached for my pants buckle and undid it, letting them hang open at my hips before my new best friend pushed them down over my legs, exposing me. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to take my mind somewhere else as this table of Capitol elite ogled me and whispered. The woman standing by me was running her hands up and down my body and I had to convince her I was enjoying it.

"Would you like him...right here?" I glanced quickly at Snow and then at the woman beside me. She was drunk. Worse than drunk.

"Please! Oh yes! Thank you! Mister President, sir!" She was already placing herself back into my chair and raising her skirt. How obscene that she wouldn't be just as embarrassed as I was, but she did not hesitate the way I had. She was giddy and already in the throes of excitement.

"Please Finnick, sweet boy, be gentle." The other guests all scooted and swiveled to watch and I wondered if not one of them would resent this depth of depravity. I was naked, vulnerable and optionless. I positioned myself over her and tried as best as I could to get myself hard enough to even attempt what I was being asked to do. The audience was not helping. The Avox standing by were not helping. This ridiculous woman who wreaked of alcohol was not helping. I took a hold of myself and tried to make them all disappear and just get it over with but my ears were ringing with the silverware clattering of an anxious audience and I couldn't do it.

The woman beneath me was watching and her face quickly turned aggressive. She slapped me so hard my head spun and then spit at me before grabbing me between the legs and pulling so hard I saw stars.

"Pathetic." She spit again before pushing me off of her and then proceeding to whip herself into a frenzy...sobbing in embarrassment and asking to be taken home. There was much talk and confusion as the other guests weren't sure how to react. I stood there naked and exposed right in the center of it and caught Snow staring at me...seething. He rose slowly from his seat.

"Take him to my quarters, immediately."

Some peacekeepers were immediately under my arms and flinging me down a hallway. I wondered what kind of sight that must have looked like, but I didn't care...as long as I was away from being put on display and publicly humiliated.

I hadn't been in Snow's room long but I found myself desperately looking for something. Information...a clue...a way to make him hurt the way he had done all of us, some way to make this evening worth it.

I heard the door clock behind me. When I turned it was Snow, entering the room alone. His face was drawn...not even a trace of the fake good humor he displayed on a usual visit.

"I do not like to be humiliated by people whom I have lavished every possible luxury on."

I swallowed hard, standing there like a spoiled child, my hands held together between my legs to not be completely exposed to him.

He rounded me and spoke right into my ear as he was pulling gloves off one finger at a time, "You could be doing much worse for yourself than living in a mansion and being wooed by the most powerful people in this Capitol."

"It's rape. Don't pretend you don't know that." The disobedient words spilled out of me before I could stop them and his eyes widened, surprised by my insubordination. He threw his gloves aside and reached into his pocket for a handkerchief. Before I knew what was happening, he had moved behind me and wrapped me in some kind of sick embrace, which included placing - and holding - his handkerchief over my nose and mouth. As soon as he did I could tell by it's sharp medicinal smell that he was poisoning me. I fought against him..hard...and managed to break free from him. But no sooner had I done that did I fall almost flat on my face.

The room was spinning. My hands were clawing at the ground as it seemed to buckle and wave under me. I fought my eyes to focus and tried to crawl. Away from Snow. Away from this place. I started to feel sand beneath my fingers and I clawed at it helplessly, sinking into it. I saw Annie in the water in front of me. I whispered to her under my breath, my voice failing to make much sound. I heard Snow laughing behind me...his voice coming at me like it was from a cave, deep and bellowing, loud and monsterous.

"Oh, you'll see her soon enough..." He laughed again and I felt myself being pulled to my feet but I couldn't so much as keep my head from flopping backwards. I stared up at the ceiling and the next thing I would see would still be ceiling, but one I didn't recognize in a bed I didn't recognize with pain shooting through most of my body.

I closed my eyes to try to piece together what must have happened, where I was, how I had gotten there. I thought maybe it was good that I couldn't remember...that I may not want to know. I fought my eyes to stay open and focus as I turned to my left and saw a vase with several white roses and a card that wished me a happy birthday. I closed my eyes against it and began to cry to myself laying there. I silently wished that he would just kill me. Just end this. I wished I had been brave enough to just kill myself. But I thought of Mags. I thought of Annie. My family, for whatever they were worth. I wanted to go home.

I was lost in my thoughts when the mandatory viewing screen lit up against the far wall and announced the District Four reaping. I scrambled to sit up in bed and hissed at the pain but it was ebbing quickly as I became more concerned with watching the people of my district. My heart physically hurt as I watched the camera scan the crowds. The children. Some I recognized. Knowing that for two of them their lives ended that day whether they won the games or not. No one won. Ever.

It moved in slow motion. Until they drew the first name. I still remember it so clearly. I think in the back of my mind I already knew. But when her name was read...I came completely unhinged.

"Annie Cresta."

It rang in my ears. I stumbled backwards but kept watching all the while just to see her. She walked boldly and fearlessly from the back of the crowd. When she stood on the platform she didn't waiver once. She stared into the camera with a great resolve that I felt like was right at me. Even as her mother was carried out screaming by peace keepers.

I couldn't take it. I pushed through the unlocked doors of the room I was in and realized I was still in Snow's mansion. I surprised the two Avox there.

"Where is he. Take me to him."

They complied and led me down the hall, not far from where I had been. I burst through the door and made a wild lunge at him, before two peace keepers had restrained me and clubbed me in the gut, knocking me to my knees.

"You son of a bitch. I have done everything you've asked me to. Don't tell me you didn't have everything to do with this."

I was struggling to find my words while doubling from the pain in my stomach. Snow smiled.

"Love does make you think you're invincible doesn't it. You see Finnick that's the problem. That's why we had to do something about Miss Cresta."

I roared and screamed at him and he just laughed. I wanted to throw myself out of his window. If I'd have gotten free that would have been exactly what I did. This was my fault. I should have never talked to her on that beach. I knew I was dangerous. I just didn't know how much.

"Finnick you have done much, much good for this Capitol. And you are rewarded for it. But I can't have you thinking you're somehow above the law. You are still just a rebel from District Four. As is Annie. And you'll be be punished for it."

"Let me train her." I whispered, not sure why, but with little left to lose. Snow walked toward me and held my chin as the peace keepers lifted me towards him. He smiled and I wanted to vomit.

"My dear boy I would have it no other way."

He dropped me harshly.

"Take him back to his quarters and have his prep team prepare him to go meet Miss Cresta..." He hissed orders at his men and started to leave before turning back to me, "oh and Finnick...my guests last night wound up being very impressed by the pleasure of your company."

He smiled and I felt every fiber in my body fill with a terrible heat. He had completely defeated me and I felt powerful to stop it. And unsure in that moment that anything I had done to protect my loved ones had saved them at all.

I filled with a resolve. I thought of Annie's face on that platform. I thought of her swimming in the sea. I thought of her kissing me on the beach. Those same things that may just have cost her her life. And I knew in that moment that, as her mentor, I was going to do every humanly possible thing to keep her alive. And then I was going to figure out a way to get the both of us far from this place.


	8. Unsteady: The Complication

Peeta managed to get me further down the hall and away from whatever chaos or confusion was happening in the main room, but only because I was genuinely too exhausted to rail against him like I wanted to. I watched Beetee and Plutarch talking just outside of the glass room that held Annie. They looked panicked but not distraught and I was trying to tell myself it would be ok. I noticed Johanna and Katniss walk in behind them and they seemed to all be talking. I was studying them even as Peeta was trying to calm me down but I could no longer hear his words. I saw Haymitch whisper to Katniss and she covered her mouth with her fingers before looking towards me and locking eyes. I questioned her soundlessly as she stared at me and then filled with rage that something was clearly wrong and I was about to be the last to know. Again.

Beetee began slowly wheeling towards me flanked by my friends like it was some funeral march. Plutarch stayed behind. I stepped past Peeta to meet him halfway.

"What's going on?" I asked plainly but sternly trying to maintain my composure. Even Johanna looked unsettled and she shifted her weight uncomfortably, not making eye contact with me. Beetee was searching for words. Katniss intervened.

"Maybe you should sit, Finnick, you're exhausted..."

"I'm fine," I interrupted. I wasn't fine. And I wouldn't be fine til someone told me what was happening. Beetee wheeled closer.

"Please sit down, Finnick."

His tone of voice alarmed me and I wondered if he would even continue until I listened...so I reluctantly sat.

"Maybe we should talk in private." He suggested but I immediately rebuffed.

"No. These are Annie's family now. Whatever you have to say they should hear." My voice was shaky and warbling, I almost didn't recognize it. But I meant it. They were her family. And clearly whatever Katniss and Johanna already knew...Peeta and I were about to learn.

"There was a complication that we didn't see coming, Finnick. I blame myself."

He stuttered and took his glasses off to wipe his brow. He was searching for words again.

"What happened? What complication?" I was whispering nervously, trying not to panic until I knew I needed to. He stalled again.

"For fuck's sake, Beetee, tell him or I will. This is bullshit. Fucking bullshit." Johanna yelled, she was irate. And for the moment I wished she would just tell me. It wouldn't be sugar coated for sure. And I didn't want it to be.

"We were monitoring her during the first few shock sessions. She seemed to be handling it fine. We...we adjusted some monitors when we moved her slightly. We were monitoring and checking for her heart...to make sure it wasn't too much stress...on her heart..."

Beetee's struggle to find the words and not lose control were making me afraid. I felt Peeta squeeze my shoulder.

"It didn't show up til several hours in, Finnick, but there...there was a second heartbeat."

I stared at him trying to process what that meant and I think at the time my mind was refusing to realize what that meant.

"There were two heartbeats, Finnick. She didn't know."

I don't know if it was fear or devastation or exhaustion but my mind was slowing to a halt. I lowered my head and repeated his words, 'two heartbeats.'

"She was pregnant, Finnick." Katniss whispered. Spelling it out in black and white so as to make sure I didn't misunderstand.

"Was..." was all I could mutter. She was pregnant. Not she is pregnant.

"I'm sorry, Finnick. If we had known we would never have gone through with this. I should have asked if it was a possibility. I didn't think..."

"Fuck, Beetee they just got married, did you not think he would have at least found time to fuck her just once?! He's Finnick Fucking Odair. That's what he does!"

Johanna spat at him and spun away.

"Enough, Johanna." Katniss stopped her but Johanna just walked down the hall and flung her arms in anger. I managed to look up and watch her leave. I didn't cry. I don't know why but I didn't. I just...processed.

"Finnick, I'm sorry." Peeta whispered as he clung to my shoulder. I sensed a hitch of crying in his voice as well. I didn't speak.

"There's...something else you need to see." Beetee whispered as he slowly wheeled away from me.

Something else? This was going to get worse? I learned that I had a baby and lost a baby in a matter of seconds and there was something else? Zombie like, I followed him in a haze back down the hall, leaving Katniss and Peeta and inching past Haymitch on the way, who looked at me like a wounded puppy, as usual.

Beetee adjusted his glasses as we rounded the corner and stood watching over Annie. I pressed my hands to the glass and that was when I felt like I wasn't going to be able to keep it together much longer. Seeing her through the glass like that, still peaceful and beautiful but now everything was different and I didn't even know just how different yet. Beetee cleared his throat. He spoke cautiously like he was trying to find the right words.

"We think that the subconscious loss, coupled with what it might have done to her cardiac system...amplified the last round of electric current..."

I looked down at him, trying to decipher his tone.

"In English, Beetee. Is she going to be ok?" I knew as I asked him that 'ok' was a relative term...especially in the world we were living in. He took his glasses off and I turned back to face her as he spoke.

"It's too soon to tell, Finnick. Her brain activity levels are fine. She isn't brain dead."

That was a relief. I think that's what I was preparing myself for him to say. I sighed with relief. For a moment. Then he continued.

"The good news is that the trauma seems to be gone. The bad news is...we think everything else is, too."

I turned toward him and furrowed my brow.

"What does that mean, 'everything else is, too'..." I asked cautiously. I noticed that people had begun to congregate around us.

"It means her memory is erased, Finnick, it's gone. We won't know how much or for how long until she's awake and we can monitor her responses."

I stared at him like he was speaking a language I didn't understand and his face was equally pained.

"I'm...I'm very sorry Finnick. Very sorry." He spun from me and wheeled off. I watched him go like I had just taken a blow to the gut. I turned and faced her again, still sleeping peacefully...blissfully unaware. I heard Johanna yelling in the distance but I couldn't make out what. Suddenly Haymitch was beside me.

"I know it's not really a consolation, but she may be the only person in this world with no memory of what a hell hole it is. I mean, I wouldn't mind not remembering anything either. That's...why I drink."

I knew he was trying to help but it didn't. I didn't respond or so much as look at him, but I stared at Annie until I couldn't anymore. I heard Katniss call my name but I ignored her, too. I turned and walked back down the hall slowly, emotionless. Katniss was still calling to me from behind, and I finally made myself turn as I reached the room I planned on locking myself in for awhile.

"Finnick...," she called, quietly and from a tear stained face, "I'm so sorry."

I watched her for a moment and tried to nod, but I don't know if I did. Instead I walked back into the holding room I had rested in and pulled the door closed behind me. I stared at the plate of food from Peeta. Still sitting untouched. Then I slid down the wall with the locked door behind me, rested my head between my tucked up knees and hands and wept. Hard. For how long I don't know. But I cried until the tears wouldn't come anymore. Silently and on my own.

If Beetee should have known than I should have known, too. Surely Annie wouldn't have known she was pregnant, and I don't know that she would remember it now anyway.

These were the things I had to cling to. Not the guilt of letting her down.

Again.


	9. Unsteady: Finnick Teaches Annie (Memory)

The train ride to District Four was a tedious as ever. Several members of the prep team flitted about and I tried to keep to myself. Even before seeing Annie Cresta I was busy at work trying to come with a strategy for her. Racking my brain to remember every little thing Mags had told me about how to survive.

But Annie and I were very different creatures.

The train came to a halt and I didn't depart it. I thought briefly about seeing Mags, maybe even a visit home. But all I could think about was Annie and how little time I would have to get her ready. I watched through the windows at the crowd as it grew to say goodbye to her and the poor unfortunate boy who had been flung into this with her. To my detriment I cared very little about his survival. I'm sure he must have sensed that immediately.

When they finally boarded the train, I was warmly surprised to see that Mags had come along, too. I had secretly hoped she would...but I also knew that she had earned her retirement by the sea. One that I hoped Annie would soon share with her. Mags ran to me and we embraced for a long while. She whispered to me asking if I was ok when no one else could hear. I assured her that I was. And then I saw Annie over Mags' shoulder. Beautiful, young and completely lost in the luxury of the things around her. Things she had never seen.

"Annie Cresta." I whispered her name and walked towards her. For a moment both of us tried to ignore anything that we had ever shared. Of our first meeting that day on the beach. Of the brief meetings we would share when, on a rare occasion, I was home from the Capitol on a tour. Of the quiet times she would visit Mags and I.

But then I found myself too grateful to see her. I reached up and stroked the side of her face, brushing a tuft of hair from her ear. She closed her eyes and gently pressed her cheek into my palm.

"You shouldn't be here, Annie." I whispered to her.

"Neither should you. The world is upside down, nothing is as it should be."

I noticed that Mags was busily ushering the young male tribute from the district into his own car. I would be doing my best to keep Annie focused on her own survival and I knew she was too much like me...she couldn't get any closer to him and then let him die.

Once Mags had cleared the room and I was relatively sure we were safe, I pressed my forehead to hers and pulled her into me, embracing her quietly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. She had no idea just how sorry I was.

She coyly pulled away from me and worked at pulling her hair into a loose ponytail. Moving about the room and surveying it.

"I know you can teach me how to win. I trust you."

She placed a trust in me I wasn't sure I deserved, but she was right. If anyone could help her, Mags and I could.

Over the next week I taught her everything I could. I gave her advice on training and urged her to stay to herself. She wasn't strong enough to make a good ally and I didn't trust any of the other tributes or mentors. She knew how to fish, she knew how to hunt. She knew how to find water. And best of all she'd have me in the Capitol, working my magic on every rich member of society I could get into bed in exchange for gifts to keep her going.

And I didn't teach Annie how to fight. We covered close hand to hand combat in the event that someone attacked her. But mostly we worked on knots and traps...and hiding. I didn't want her scarred like I was by having to kill someone or watch them die. She could set nets to capture tributes and then let them set about killing each other while she hid and waited it out. It was her safest bet, and I felt confident that it would work.

She asked me time and again to include the other tribute from Four. Eventually we decided that would work to our advantage. But in private I made him swear to me to protect her at all costs and in return I would send him as many gifts as he needed to survive.

The time passed in a blur. Sometimes at night I would watch her sleep just to see her at peace and to fight to remember her that way. That was what I was doing on the night before her Hunger Games. Watching over her.

"Shouldn't I be the one who can't sleep?" She called to me in a groggy voice from her bed as I drifted in and out of sleep in the chair beside it. I smiled slightly at her and sat up.

"You're awake now." I whispered back. She sat up in her bed, high against her pillows, and watched me.

"Do you think I'll win, Finnick?" It was the first time she showed that she was scared and it broke my heart. She had been playing the tough card since she first boarded that train. I rose from my chair and moved to her bed, sitting beside her and taking her hand.

"Nobody wins, Annie. I don't want you to win. I want you to survive. I want you to come back."

She lowered her head and shuddered.

"I'm scared, Finnick."

I took her chin in my fingers and raised it to look towards me.

"I know. I'm scared, too. Tell me what I can do..."

She squirmed in her space a little and her eyes searched the space between us.

"I want to make a memory, Finnick. Something I can hang on to. I know I'm not like all of these...Capitol women..."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and cut her off.

"No, Annie. You aren't."

I wished she understood just how much I meant it.

She pulled the covers aside and scooted to the side to make room for me. I eased out of my shoes and slid into bed beside her, pulling the blankets up around us. She laid back. Her hair spilling onto the silk pillow behind her. I felt a strange pang of fear and insecurity. The fact was that I had been in bed with hundreds of women. But it had never really been me. And it had never been with someone that I cared anything for. And suddenly I was as afraid as she was. I wanted to give her something that she could hold onto while she was stranded in that arena. No one knew better than me how important that was.

I sat up and pulled my long black shirt over my head. She arched her back and pulled her nightshirt over her own and tossed it to the side. I sat beside her and stared at her briefly in the moonlight that streamed into her room.

"You're beautiful, Annie Cresta."

She blushed and smiled slightly, biting her lip. I laid my body beside her and she immediately curled into my side. I closed my eyes in inhaled deeply, wanting to remember what she smelled like. I felt her doing the same thing. I wrapped my arm around her back and pulled her in tighter. I rolled onto my back and she adjusted to move on top of me.

She was naked and I couldn't keep myself from wanting her desperately. She ran her hands down my chest and squeezed my skin in her fingers. I raised my hips up off the bed and pushed against her. She gasped loudly and shuddered against me, grabbing my flesh again. She moaned and threw her head back before rolling it back to look down on me. I reached between us to push my loose pants down over my hips and she lifted to make space as I exposed myself under her, already harder than I realized.

"Finnick, I've never...this is..."

She struggled to finished the sentence so I hushed her. I knew what she was wanting to tell me. I only wished I could have told her that it might as well have been my first time, too.

She blushed again and leaned down over me, putting her hands on my shoulders. Her hair pooled around me and spilled onto the pillow under me. I whispered her name and raised my head up to bring my lips to hers. I felt the familiar heat that we created. She moaned against my mouth and I opened it, slipping my tongue past my lips and over hers. I sat up under her and wrapped my arms around her lower back, pulling her on to me further. She tilted her head and deepened our kiss, wrapping her hands around my shoulders and through my hair. I moved my hands from her lower back to her hips, lifting her gently off of me only long enough to position myself under her.

I let Annie take control and lower her weight back on to me. She slowly took me inside of her and I shuddered slowly and let her. She cried out and I held her tighter, quietly reminding her to go slow, but soon enough I was all the way inside of her and her hips were twitching and rocking on me and I started to match her speed. We clung to each other and rocked together slowly, she buried her head in my neck and kissed my shoulder. I closed my eyes and worked to do what she said...to make a memory. Making love to Annie was like nothing I had ever felt. I was lost inside of her. Not praying for it to be over or willing my body to do things I didn't want to do. Everything inside me felt right.

Her body was glistening with sweat and we were sliding against each other. I leaned back and pulled her onto me and she began moving with more fire and passion, taking me so deep inside of her I wondered if she was in pain. She leaned over me and we kissed deeply, not pulling apart, but locked together as our bodies moved.

"Finnick..."

She whispered my name and I felt her body tighten and shake. I picked up my pace inside of her wanting so badly to make her feel nothing but me...no fear, no worry. She called my name again and I felt her close around me as she dug her fingers into my shoulders. She bucked and twitched wildly. I held her tight and continued to move languidly inside of her as she tightened and pulled me deeper and deeper.

I knew one thing from my years of training, as much as I hated to admit it: I couldn't come inside of her. So as she shuddered and stilled on top of me, her body going limp and crashing down on my chest, I quickly eased myself from her and exploded between us...arching my back and moaning her name loudly. She pressed into me and held me tightly.

We laid there catching our respective breath, holding onto each other like we had everything to lose. I didn't let go of her but I let myself reach for my shirt to clean us up. She leaned up and watched my face as I moved the shirt between us, wiping over my stomach as she created space, and then running it over hers as well.

"Why?" She whispered with a furrowed brow. I raised mine.

"Why what, Annie?"

She bit her lip and looked down at my stomach as I cleaned it.

"Why not...inside of me."

I watched her concerned face try to make sense of it. I gently rolled her off of me and sat in the side of the bed, my back to her.

"It's too risky, Annie. We can't...we can't let something like that happen."

She hummed and nodded slightly and was lost in her thoughts before smiling and running her hand over my back. I turned and smiled down at her, losing myself in the thoughts of what a future could hold for us as I lazily ran my fingers over her bare belly.

"Maybe someday." She slyly whispered. I smiled at her.

"Maybe someday, Annie Cresta."

"Stay with me, Finnick?"

I laid back down as soon as she requested it and pulled her back to my chest. I would hold her all night and then say my goodbyes in the morning...

Sending her off to things I didn't want to imagine, and setting off to sell myself to a Capitol I would be begging to protect her for me.


	10. Unsteady: Annie Wakes Up

There was a knocking on the door, soft and low at first and then slightly louder.

"Finnick, it's Katniss. Please open the door."

My back was still against it. I think I had cried myself to sleep there on the floor because I was disoriented and my face hurt. My head was pounding. I forced myself to stand and turned to unlock the door after a moment. I thought for a split second maybe I had dreamt the whole thing, but when I saw Katniss' face I knew I hadn't.

Her expression was pained and she went to reach for my arm cautiously before putting it back down at her side again. She looked like she might tuck it into her pocket but instead she just fidgeted nervously.

"I'm sorry. Finnick, I'm sorry about everything." She was whispering and on the verge of tears so I stepped aside and motioned for her to come in.

"Do you want to talk?" She inquired plainly and I didn't know how to answer.

"About what?" I asked, monotone. Emotionless for the moment.

"Anything. I don't know. I know you're hurting." She was looking around the room and finally made eye contact with me. I paused for a moment before I responded.

"I don't know what I'm feeling, Katniss." We stared at each other quietly before there was another knock on the door. It was Plutarch. We both turned to face him anxiously and he motioned for us to sit down. He took the chair so Katniss and I sat next to each other on the cot. She was close to me and took my hand in hers, patting it sweetly and trying to calm me. I was glad to have her there. I welcomed her hand. We both hung on Plutarch's words.

"They are going to slowly wake her Finnick. We knew that you'd want to be with her. But there are a few things you need to know..."

Katniss turned from Plutarch to study my response.

"I'm listening." I responded, flatly.

"Ok. We don't have any idea how she will come to. They strapped her down but it's just for her protection until we have a grasp on her brain activity..." I nodded along as he paused for me to take it in. I felt queasy and Katniss tightened her grip on my hand as he continued, "we don't know what, if anything, she will remember. And we don't know how long it will be until things start to come back to her. If they do. We don't want to create memories for her, we need her to come to them herself."

I nodded again and lowered my head trying to imagine what that might mean.

"So we should just...keep her comfortable? Keep her calm?" Katniss asked questions for me. I didn't know where to start. Plutarch stood.

"Yes. That's exactly what she needs. You're a team. A family. I've seen what you can do. And you can do this. All of you, together. Whenever you're ready."

He excused himself quietly and Katniss was locked on me. Waiting to see if I was going to fall apart, but I refused. That wouldn't be what Annie would want and it certainly wouldn't help her. Instead I just turned towards Katniss with a new resolve. Taking care of Annie was my job and I was good at it. Why should this be any different?

"You ready?" She intoned softly, forcing a half smile which I met before rising from the bed, not dropping her hand. We walked into the hall and I found myself running my fingers through my hair with my free hand as if somehow my appearance at that time mattered. Beetee and Plutarch were standing guard outside of her room, which now consisted of only Annie and one other nurse. I studied her and saw that the look of peace was fading from her face as she seemed to near conciousness.

"Try to just help her to take it easy, Finnick. We will monitor her brain waves to be sure she isn't overwhelmed."

I nodded at Beetee, who adjusted his glasses as he gave me instructions.

"Good luck," Haymitch added, and for the first time I noticed they were all still there. All but Johanna, and I wished she would have been. I needed a little reality.

They slipped me into her room and I cautiously approached her bed, sitting on the edge of it. The rustling of the sheets caused her to stir. My nose flared in protest to the tears that I refused to let come as I watched her. Still hooked up to machines and electrodes, strapped into the bed. Her head turned towards me and her eyes slowly fluttered open.

I smiled at her anxiously, just enough to try to comfort her the way I always had. She just stared at me blankly and I felt my heart dip and sink a little.

"It's ok, Annie, everything is going to be ok now."

I lied. Who knew if anything would ever be ok again. I noticed her rail against her restraints weakly and then look down to question them with her eyes. She winced as she swiveled in bed and then put her head back down, relieving some of the pain that trying to sit up caused.

"Try to keep still if you can, you've been through a lot."

She looked at me again, her brow furrowed deeply, before examining the room around her.

"Where am I?" She whispered softly with a hoarse and unfamiliar voice. I cleared my throat.

"You're in the Capitol. You're safe. These doctors as taking care of you."

She winced again.

"What is it? Are you in pain?"

I asked her quickly, fighting the urge to hold her and comfort her, I looked back at the one way windows, knowing they were watching me. I didn't expect her to be hurting.

"My stomach. Something isn't right...it's sore..."

I glanced down at her stomach and then shut my eyes. Tight and hard. Again I begged myself silently not to show the pain I was feeling.

The baby. I didn't know what it meant to lose a baby, or how the doctors would have handled that afterward. But I certainly knew I was about to have to lie to her again. I nodded gently and forced an easy smile through a furrowed brow.

"You just...you haven't eaten, Annie. I'm sure as soon as you're able...that will help the pain."

"Annie..."

She whispered back to me as I said her name. She whispered it several times.

"I'm Annie."

I furrowed my brow again and against my better judgement put my hand on hers in spite of her restraint. She let me take it.

"Y...yes...you're Annie. Annie Cre..." I stopped myself realizing I hadn't actually thought of the fact that I hadn't said it out loud yet, "Annie Odair. You're from the fourth district."

My voice was shaky and I could tell it disoriented her even more than she already was but man was she studying me as I spoke.

"Annie Odair," she repeated with a question, trying to wrap her mind around it, "and who are you?"

I tightened my hand on hers even as I wanted to pull it from her.

"I'm Finnick..." I glanced towards the window again but nothing. I didn't know how far I should push or how much I should say.

"You're Finnick..." She repeated. Absolutely lost as she did. I couldn't take it anymore and I hated myself for it. I stood from her side and walked to the door, knocking to be let out.

The door buzzed and slid open. I huffed and took a deep breath, walking in circles, rubbing my face and trying to make sense of what I was up against.

"You did good, Finnick.." Beetee called to me and that was it. I snapped. I did good? I helped my wife survive her own private hell only long enough to fry her brain and kill her unborn child? I did good? I turned on him.

"Fuck you."

Plutarch stepped towards me and I shoved him. Hard.

"And fuck you, too. She doesn't know who I am! Fuck, she doesn't know who she is! You said the worst case scenario was death I think this might be worse. And what about the baby. Did you take the baby? Why is she sore? What did you do? You should have known..this is bullshit..."

Katniss moved toward me and placed her hands on my shoulders, her tear stained face doing its best to comfort me.

"Finnick, calm down. I know you're upset but this isn't helping..."

"And fuck you, too. I'm sure you give a rat's ass what happens to Annie. All you care about is Peeta..."

Katniss' eyes had left mine and she was looking over my shoulder. Through the glass, her mouth open. I turned to see what caught her glance and saw that Peeta had slipped into Annie's room and now sat beside her. He was stroking her hand and touching her face...and she was closing her eyes against it. He was comforting her in the way I hadn't been able to. I moved towards the glass with Katniss beside me and we studied them. I watched Annie's face for any sign of recognition or change, and noticed that there was a little more movement in the screen projected behind her.

"If anyone understands her right now, it's Peeta. He's been through this. He may be able to really help, Finnick."

I listened to her words and nodded along but didn't take my eyes off of them as they spoke. Peeta was smiling, genuine, engaging her in some story and slowly she cracked a smile, too.

"They're similar, I think," Katniss continued, "just like us."

I mulled her words over in my head. Suddenly feeling like we were two teams and I wasn't on the one I expected I'd be.


	11. Unsteady: Finnick Loses It

Two weeks had passed and there was very little change in Annie. At all.

So little in fact that she was still holed up in the examination room like some kind of caged animal. We all tried to go about our lives, the work we had laid out in front of us to rebuild our worlds. But that was easier said than done. I spent most nights laying asleep in the chair next to her until Johanna finally convinced me I'd be better off at home. And it didn't make any difference to Annie anyway. She regarded me much in the same way that she regarded the nurses and medics. There was no familiarity, no warmth. In fact I think I just confused her more because I would look at her like I was begging her to remember me and she could sense that something wasn't right. But I couldn't give up on her. And I couldn't allow myself to be far away in the event that something changed and she decided she needed me.

But this particular day I had left Annie, against my better judgement, to be in attendance for a round table meeting of the surviving tributes. The plan was to organize a public event to rally support and create unity, and Plutarch insisted I go to not only send a sign of a unified team but to speak for Annie as well.

I sat at the table, Annie's empty chair next to me, and hated myself for finding a kind of reprieve from the constant worry and care. Annie was in a place where someone, other than me, could look after her and keep her safe. I had sat, lost in my thoughts, for a long while before Johanna interrupted them, crashing into a seat beside me.

"Jesus, Finnick, you look like shit."

I turned to her and smirked, "Always such sweet things to say to me, Johanna."

Moments later Plutarch, Haymitch and Katniss arrived. I watched as she took her seat at the head of the table directly across from me. She was still very uneasy with the idea of being a leader, but she was as determined as the rest of us to make things work. I noticed her eyes scan the table and hover on the empty chairs that flanked Johanna and I: Annie's to my right, and Peeta's to Johanna's left. I followed her gaze and allowed myself to wonder where Peeta would be. Johanna chuckled to herself and then turned to me, over her shoulder.

"He's babysitting your wife, I assumed you knew."

Bullshit. I could tell from her tone she knew I didn't know. My jaw clenched. I wasn't sure why but it made me angry. I fought against it for a minute but realized my head was too cloudy to concentrate on much else.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm sorry..."

I was already standing and leaving the table as I asked permission and I know Katniss did not approve. Her eyes watched me as I left the room and shortly after I made it to the hallway, I heard her do the same.

"Finnick, wait. We need you here."

I stopped for a moment and let her catch up to me before turning around.

"I need to be with Annie."

She inhaled and her shoulders dropped.

"Finnick, she'll be fine...there are plenty..."

"Peeta. Is that who you mean? Peeta is missing your congregation to be with her. Why shouldn't I?"

I could tell as soon as I said it that she had no idea that's where he was. And it didn't sit any better with her than it did with me.

"I'm coming with you." She was already walking towards me as she spoke, her voice more unsure than her actions were. I put my hands up and stopped her.

"This is your meeting. You called it. I'll check on them and come back."

She listened to my words without looking a me, and then let her eyes fall towards the ground as she weakly nodded yes. I let her go and left her standing in the hallway as I headed down to Annie's room.

I moved as fast as my legs would carry me, unsure of why I was going...what I would find...or what I would do about it. By the time I reached the medical lab where they were still observing Annie, Beetee was hard at work looking over charts and something unusual was different about him as I approached. He almost...smiled.

"Ahh, Finnick. You're back. I expected the meeting would last much longer. I'm sorry to have missed it but I do have news. Good news."

"Good. That's good." I replied to him flatly, trying to feign excitement.

"I think that we can release Annie. Send her home."

I perked up immediately, "What?! That's great. I think it will really help."

Beetee smiled and nodded and for the first time I allowed myself to turn to observe her. There was Peeta. Sitting beside her in her hospital bed, her knees drawn up and tucked into her as Peeta read to her. She smiled and talked to him, as much at ease as her current situation would allow. It broke my heart and filled me with a heat of jealousy that I couldn't explain.

I walked towards the sliding door to her room and let myself in.

"Finnick, hey..." Peeta sat up a bit in bed as he greeted me and Annie followed out of courtesy. I tried to smile warmly at them both before gently asking Peeta to leave.

"Peeta would you give us a second please?"

Peeta just nodded and closed his book as he shuffled past me and shared an awkward glance. I inched closer to the bed until I sat on the edge of it.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her, trying to keep things as simple as possible.

"I'm well," she answered as she smiled, "how are you?"

I wanted so badly to take her hand in mine but she still seemed cool to me and never seemed to acknowledge any kind of memory of a relationship with me so her doctors had advised me against it.

"Beetee said you can go home today. Get you out of here and back to somewhere you can just relax...and get better..."

She was scanning the room as I spoke, looking for something maybe. I furrowed my brow and watched her.

"What is it, Annie?" I asked with a genuine curiousity of where her mind was taking her. She sat up slightly and wrang her hands together.

"Will I go home with you? Or do I stay somewhere else...with someone...I didn't know...Peeta maybe..."

I felt my fingers curl in the sheets of her bed and grab onto it to steady myself. I glanced towards the walls wondering if anyone was watching. I was never sure how to answer her questions, but the constant bruising my ego was taking from her was starting to wear me down.

"You're home is with me, Annie." My voice was more pleading than I expected it to be, and I watched her face for any kind of recognition, but found none. She shifted in her bed and tangled her fingers together under the sheets.

"And you're my husband..." She whispered softly, staring at me like she was trying to remember. She squinted her eyes and bit her lip, "why don't I remember that, Finnick. Why don't I remember you?" She started slowly cry as she spoke and I immediately regretted pushing her. But at the same time, she was talking to me more than she had been. I wanted so badly to scoop her into my arms and hold her, but I forced myself to be still.

"You will, Annie. This will pass."

She lifted her head and sniffled in to stifle her cries. She pulled her hands from the sheets and I glanced at them, noticing she was tying knots in the belt of her gown. Over and over. The fabric was wrinkled from how often she had done it. She was in there, somewhere, my Annie was in there.

"The knots. Why do you tie them..."

I inquired innocently hoping that maybe it would stir a memory of our District, or the times we spent teaching each other or using them to calm ourselves. She looked down at her fingers as if she didn't even realize she had been doing it.

"I...I don't know. Peeta says..."

"I don't care what Peeta says."

I interrupted her and it shocked her. She stopped abruptly, and I regretted it. But hell, I had been warned time and time again not to push her or to create memories or to force her to try...and Peeta is spending all his time in here wooing her and telling her why she does things? Where is the fairness in that?

The door slid open behind me and I heard the wheel of Beetee's chair.

"Finnick, that's enough."

He left the door open and I saw Johanna standing in the hallway with Peeta, her arms crossed in defiance...watching as Beetee came in towards me.

"Let him fucking try, Beetee, this is bullshit!" Annie and I both watched her...and Beetee...and Peeta.

"Finnick, we have decided it's best that Annie go with Peeta. We have been monitoring her and he has a positive effect, triggering some regrowth. For whatever reason, she is not responding to you and we are worried it may actually make things worse."

I felt my heart race as he spoke. How did he get to make these calls? She was my wife.

Plutarch came through the door, Katniss in tow. I was starting to lose my patience. And I knew this wouldn't end well.

"Oh. So we cancelled a meeting about saving the world so that we could all be here to tell me how to take care of my fucking wife?"

"Finnick, calm down," Plutarch moved further into the room and positioned himself in front of the rest of the crowd, that now included several medics, "you're scaring her. And you want to know why she doesn't want to go with you?"

I don't know if it was exhaustion, frustration, guilt...probably all three. But I lunged at him. I felt like he was setting me up to fail. And while I felt bad for losing my cool, it wasn't like I had been making it a habit. I had been swallowing my feelings for weeks and I was done.

I grabbed him at the shoulders and he barely flinched. Katniss ran towards him from behind and put herself between us, her hands on my chest, saying my name quickly over and over.

"Finnick, don't do this. I know it's hard. I know. I've been there. Don't let this happen."

I watched her as she spoke, and allowed myself to take a deep breath and nod yes. I took my hands from Plutarch and stepped back. I turned towards Annie who had risen from her bed and stood behind it, backing away from me like I had, in fact, scared her.

"Annie...I'm..."

I hated seeing her afraid. Always had. But now she was afraid of me. And that stung even worse.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Annie, enough of this! You're not some wounded bird! You need to fight. God, you lay here all day like a fucking baby letting these pieces of shit take care of you..."

Johanna was seething and pushed past me as she moved towards Annie. No one stopped her. Clearly I wasn't the only one who had had enough of this situation. I didn't like seeing her verbally attack Annie, who was haphazardly tying knots, but maybe it would work. I'd try anything.

"Snap out of it, Annie Cresta. I know you're in there. Don't you fucking turn on Finnick, you have no idea what he has done for you..."

Several voices, including my own, attempted to get her to stop but she just got louder...spoke faster...burned hotter.

"Look at him! You're going to destroy him. He spent years of his life getting fucked by these Capitol pricks so that you could live..."

Ok, now I wasn't sure I could let this keep going.

"Alright Johanna, enough..." I shouted towards her. She was teetering on embarrassing me in front of the only family I had and I had already had about enough of that.

"You survived those hunger games because he was working his ass off, literally, to get you the things you needed...don't pretend like you don't remember any of that...it's pathetic..."

Katniss begged her to stop but Johanna didn't even hear us. Just moved closer to Annie, yelling at her almost face to face.

"You sit in here and eat and read fairy tales with Peeta. You don't want to remember because it's hard. Well guess what, sweetheart, the rest of us fucking have to. Finnick. He fucking has to. Your selfish decision to do this killed his fucking son, and you don't have to deal with that...he does."

"ENOUGH!" Plutarch shouted and the medics descended on Johanna, pulling her kicking and screaming frame out of the room. She looked at me apologetically as she passed me, and then the room fell silent.

I think everyone was in shock, no one more than me. Katniss moved towards Annie and tried to help her to bed.

"Is...is that true? Did I have a baby?"

Annie's broken voice was soft but we all heard it. She was pleading with Katniss to give her something real. Katniss looked at Beetee who shook his head no and Katniss eased Annie onto her cot, smiling.

"It's ok now, Annie. Johanna is just worried. She wants you to get better. We all do."

Annie looked past Katniss towards me and her eyes were pleading.

"Is that true, Finnick...the things she said...did we...have a son?"

I didn't think before I answered.

"No."

My voice was cold. My body was cold. I turned from her and left the room. I didn't know where I was going, or why. But I started to run there. I took off down a hall, running until I found a small hallway with a few doors. I slipped into it and stood, catching my breath. I heard Katniss calling for me in the distance. I hid against the dark wall and wept.

I had lost Annie. If she was still in there she was in no rush to come out.

And Johanna knew I had a son. Why hadn't they told me?

My head was spinning and I started to lose track of what was real, who I could trust and where I could hide.

And that was just the beginning.


	12. Unsteady: Katniss' Comfort

The night was cool. I had taken to sleeping with the windows open just to hear some noise from below in the courtyard. It was always bustling as The New Capitol prepared for its coming out party. And the silence in my suite was too much to bear otherwise.

But it was too cold, and often times I would wake from an already restless sleep and feel nearly frozen in bed. Then I would lay there aimlessly for hours looking at the empty other side.

When Annie was discharged from Beetee's watchful eye she did, in fact, opt to stay with Peeta. And Katniss. And I didn't try to stop her. I tried to pour my heart and mind into planning the first of many gatherings in which we, the Tribute Council, would try to rebuild a confidence in Panem. It was all I could do.

There was a knock on the door and even though it was barely four in the morning I knew who it was. At that point I should have just given her a key.

Katniss had begun to feel like such a third wheel in her own home that she spent the majority of her time in the President's Mansion, even though she refused to inhabit it and was converting it to sensible, usable space for the people...and with me. I wandered to the door, rubbing my eyes awake as I did, barely even looking at her as I opened it. But I smiled, knowing it was her, and glanced back at her as I was already moving away from the door to turn some lights on.

"Couldn't sleep?" I called to her in a voice that hadn't woken up yet. She chuckled.

"You either? You could have at least put a shirt on Finnick. I could have waited."

I glanced down at my bare upper body and the loose pants that covered my lower half as I chuckled and raised my eyebrows.

"If you're gonna keep bothering me at all hours of the night, you're gonna have to just learn to accept it."

She chuckled as I grabbed two glasses of water from the kitchen and passed her one. She made her way to the large windows that over looked the well lit courtyard. Tomorrow was our big "coming out" party to the New Capitol, and I knew she was more nervous than usual. She casually tossed her outer coat onto the couch behind her and I sat by it, slamming a glass of water in the hopes it would wake me.

"It'll be fine. Katniss, these people revere you. And you're giving them exactly what they want. You're leading their revolution. And you're welcoming them into the Capitol. It'll be exactly what everyone needs." I tried to give her a pep talk, and I meant every word of it. She was slowly growing into a leader that she had always resisted being...and it suited her.

"I hope you're right," she answered back, sipping her water as she still stared out the window, " and I wouldn't want to do it without you there at my side. These people love you, Finnick."

I sat my glass down and moved to stand beside her.

"The Capitol loved me. These people don't know me..."

She turned to face me and closed the space between us.

"That's not true. What you did...your propo...that was brave, Finnick. Braver than I would have been. People respect you. You earned that."

I wasn't sure how to respond to her. The fact remained that Katniss and I had never really talked about that part of my past. I knew when I met her for the first time that she knew what I was. But we never addressed it again, even in the wake of my admitting it to the world. And I really wasn't in the mood to do anyway. So I changed the subject. Swiftly.

"How's Annie..." I asked, my voice dropping, my fingers toying at the strong on my nightclothes absent mindedly...afraid as I always was to get an answer I wouldn't like. Katniss swallowed. And paused. Dreaming up the right way to respond, no doubt.

"She's ok. I mean, no difference. Peeta takes care of her. Really, I just kind of...stay out of the way. I know he feels like he understands her. Maybe he does...I think I just...I don't know..."

She shook her head as she spoke and I recognized the look on her face because it echoed how I felt. Had been feeling. I turned into her.

"I know. It's hard to not feel needed..."

"Or loved."

She interrupted and stopped me cold. I guess I had never thought of it in those terms until that moment. That Annie no longer felt love for me, and maybe Peeta had turned that same corner. How did that happen?

"Peeta loves you. Peeta has always loved you."

I reaffirmed her and she raised her glassy, dark eyes to me.

"It's not always that easy is it? Can I ask you a question?"

I nodded uneasily, not sure of where that question might take us.

"Do you...do you think that you loved Annie so deeply because you knew she needed you? That it grew out of a desire to protect her?"

I listened to her very formulated question and knew immediately she had been wondering it for some time. I tried to process her words, and the fact was...I wasn't sure. I took a second and lowered my gaze...searching for the right way to confirm my feelings for Annie.

"I was Annie's mentor. Of course I wanted to protect her. Isn't that part of love? Wanting to care for the other person? Needing them to care for you back? Isn't that how you fell in love with Peeta?"

Her eyes were searching mine and started to pool with tears that threatened to escape until she turned from me and I instinctively moved towards her to hold her. She folded her arms across her chest and I wrapped my arms around them, pulling her into my chest.

"Hey..." I comforted her as best I could until she let her head fall back and rest against my neck. I could hear that she was still crying, "this is going to pass. We have all survived so much worse. Look around. We are safe. The people we love...they are safe."

She let herself spin in my arms until she was facing me, my arms still around her. She looked up at me and laughed.

"What? Was that funny?"

I chuckled in spite of myself wondering what had tickled her so suddenly.

"Nothing I'm just trying to picture you in the ridiculous ensemble that Effie has prepared for you tomorrow..."

She laughed again and I pulled my arms from around her.

"Since when does Effie Trinket get to tell me what to wear. She's all yours."

I moved away from her as she wiped her tears, letting her change to a lighter subject effortlessly.

"She's sweet on you, Odair. I think she has adopted you," Katniss was still laughing as she spoke. I had take to putting our glasses back on the counter and haphazardly stretching my arms above my head as I did until she continued, "I know you're tired, I'll let you sleep."

I turned to her suddenly and watched as she went for her coat.

"No. Stay...please."

She froze and watched me, arching a brow at my sudden request. So I felt obligated to respond and clarify.

"I mean...you can sleep in my bed and I'll take the couch. I just, I don't like the quiet. Don't like being alone."

"Me neither." She responded softly after a long pause. She didn't say another word, but left her coat on the couch. She moved past me and into my bedroom. The sheets were pulled back but barely wrinkled as I hadn't slept in them long. I stood at the doorway and watched her round the bed. She pulled her chunky grey sweater over her head and tossed it aside, climbing into my bed in a black sleeveless top and pants. I closed the light and watched her for a moment before deciding something I wasn't sure of.

I crossed the moonlit room and pulled the sheets back on the opposite side. Katniss watched me as I slid into bed beside her and pulled the blanket over us both. We laid facing each other for a long while with a huge expanse of bed still between us. Slowly she skunked closer to the middle of the bed, her eyes still on mine, and I scooted to meet her half way. Just looking at each other as we lay there. I let my hand rest on her hip.

"I want to protect you, Katniss. To make sure you're ok. To look after you. I always have. Does that mean I love you?"

She smiled slightly at my inquisition.

"Let me know when you find out, ok?"

She answered coyly and then moved even closer until she was flush against me. We fell asleep tucked tightly together, but innocently, sharing a bed. The next day would prove a giant challenge for us both...but like everything else we were struggling through...we would face it together.


	13. Unsteady: New Beginning

I tried to ignore how much our New Capitol Panem Freedom Celebration felt like a Hunger Games ritual, but the flashy processions, the crowded Avenue Of Tributes and all the flair were taking me back to a place I didn't care to go. I tried to remind myself that this was a new beginning...which is what everyone, myself included, needed.

I had given in and let Effie prep my attire, even though I had grown much more comfortable in sweaters and hooded jackets than suits and armor. But all the tributes had outfits designed to mirror our Mockingjay. I had a black suit of armor with a chest plate that I found ridiculous, but it seemed to be what everyone wanted.

We had all gathered in the great hall behind the balcony that overlooked the courtyard, and I decided to be fashionably late so I was the last to arrive. I had lingered too long getting ready mostly because I hadn't seen Annie in several days and I wasn't sure how it would go. I had grown tired of trying to guess her latest reaction to me.

So I slipped into the room and tried to make myself blend in with the other tributes and allies that had gathered. I grabbed a drink from a tray that was being passed around and tried my best to casually mingle.

"You look like you're going to your own funeral..." Johanna's familiar sarcastic tone came wafting through the air from behind me. I turned and smirked at her, raising my glass and welcoming the company of someone I actually trusted.

"Johanna, beautiful as always." I winked at her playfully and tried to smother her with charm.

"Oh stop kissing my ass, Finnick, I'm not like all these other women. You can be mean to me and I'll still want to sleep with you."

We both laughed. It was such a rare occasion to see her lighten up that I always reveled in it.

"I hate this shit. Can Katniss just give her big speech so we can take these ridiculous clothes off and go home?"

I was about to tell her we could always just sneak out, when Katniss approached us...with Annie. I straightened up and tried to look as presentable as possible, hoping that Katniss hadn't heard Johanna.

"Thank you, both of you, for enduring this with me." Katniss was genuinely warm. She smiled at us both. I knew she was nervous, but also determined to bring a real peace to Panem. Johanna responded first.

"You know we wouldn't let you down. Family, right?"

We all looked at her, almost shocked at her sincerity. Then shared a little laugh at her expense. She punched my in the arm and I made a much bigger deal out of than I needed to.

"Come on, I'm sure you have more important people to talk to than Finnick."

Johanna grabbed Katniss' hand and left me there with only Annie, winking at me as she walked away. I turned to Annie who was staring at me with a shy smile on her face.

"You look beautiful, Annie."

She blushed and looked down before raising her chin and thanking me.

"So do you. Well, not beautiful...maybe beautiful...more handsome...I'm not sure...good? You look good?"

She sputtered our nervous words that reminded me of the shy little girl on the shore who would have moments where she didn't know what to say and I could always find ways to make her nervous just because I loved it so much. I smiled at her, probably for too long, because she looked at me and wondered.

"What? What are you smiling at?"

The smile hadn't fallen from her face either and I felt like for the first time in a long time, I was in familiar territory.

"Just miss you is all."

She studied my face and smiled. I noticed she was again passively tying knots...this time in the black cording that was hanging from the shoulders of her tribute regalia. I put my fingers on hers and she let me.

"Here...let me show you another one..." I fumbled at the cord and slowly tied a constrictor knot, admiring how closely she studied it. I tightened it, knowing it was almost impossible to get out once it was tightened.

"A constrictor..."

She whispered the words as she watched me tighten it.

"You remember...?" I found myself clinging to some kind of hope that if her knowledge of knots was rattling around inside her brain...surely so was I.

"I...I think I do..."

He eyes were furrowed and she studied it as she ran her fingers over the cord.

"Then you'll remember that there was only one girl in District Four who could untie my constrictor knot. You let me know if you find her."

I smiled at her and then stepped away, knowing that I had promised Katniss to be there with her when she spoke and I could hear the crowd roaring for her. Annie smiled at me as I walked off, her fingers still on the knot. I had faith that, even if she couldn't untie it, she would think of me any time she tried. For now, that would have to be enough.

I moved towards the balcony where I saw Katniss standing...waiting. Plutarch, Effie and Haymitch nearby but she was alone.

"Where's Peeta?" I whispered as I approached her from behind. She turned her head and her face lit with a faint smile.

"He's baking. He insisted on preparing a good part of the deserts for tonight."

I nodded and matched her smile, not really meaning it.

"He should be with you."

The door opened in front of her and Haymitch pushed her gently on the back as she stepped into the light and the open air and the thousands of screaming Panem residents who awaited her joyfully. I followed after her and stood back against the building as she walked to the podium and raised two shaky hands to quiet them. Her breathing was so labored and nervous that the microphone was picking it up.

"Citizens of the New Panem...the FREE Panem...I welcome you to the New Capitol. YOUR Capitol."

The crowd went wild as her confident voice boomed through it. I clapped along with everyone else...genuinely excited by her announcement. Our Capitol. In that moment in became real. We had done it.

"I stand here tonight not as your Mockingjay. But as one of you. Our Tribute Council is not a Victor's Council. We did not win anything from the Capitol. Instead, we represent the best of you...the districts who were able to take a stand against the evil of President Snow and the selfishness of Alma Coin. We join together now. With you and for you, to create a fair and just and strong Panem."

The Avenue of Tributes positively exploded with praise and cheering. Lights flashing, flags waving. And Katniss then introduced each of the surviving tributes...but not before mentioning all of those that had given their lives in the rebellion. She introduced Beetee...Haymitch...Johanna...Enobaria. And they all stepped forward and recieved their accolades and applause.

"Of course...Peeta Mellark..." She mentioned his name and then smirked as she paused, " who would be out here tonight if he weren't busy preparing wonderful desserts to share with all of you." The crowd erupted yet again, chanting Peeta's name. I watched Katniss closely, knowing she was missing him.

"And last but not least. Two people who suffered maybe the greatest loss during these horrible games. Two people who fought at all costs for you, their people, even if it meant risking each other: Annie Odair and her husband, my best friend, Finnick Odair."

I was touched by Katniss' sentiment and lost in her words so deeply that I almost forgot to step forward. Then I felt Annie gingerly take my hand and pull me with her, raising our joined hands in the air. I intertwined my fingers in hers and waved, just as she did. I noticed Plutarch watching us. And as soon as the crowd died down and we all backed into the mansion...Annie dutifully dropped my hand.

As we all spilled back into the great room, Plutarch congratulated is on a job well done.

"Feel free to mingle here tonight. You're of course welcome to join the throngs down below but I can't be responsible for your safety once they get their hands on you."

He smiled and several people laughed. He raised a toast to the New Panem.

I had followed Katniss into a corner where she was walkling herself off.

"Hey, you alright?"

She smiled and nodded.

"Just overwhelmed."

I was about to move in to comfort her...to tell her how well she had done, but Plutarch's voice came from behind me.

"There they are. The Mockingjay and her best friend. I love it. Here..."

He offered a tray with two glasses of what looked like champagne and we each took one. The nerves and excitement caused us both to slam the overly full glasses faster than we should have and it wasn't long before we were feeling the effect.

Katniss flitted about the room effortlessly and I did the same, more in character for me than her so I studied her as she moved. And I noticed her doing the same. Even though we worked the room from opposite sides, our eyes kept meeting and my head was spinning. I was drawn to her and I couldn't ignore it.

I watched Katniss secretly slip into the adjoining meeting room and close the door behind her. I smiled off a few people who were attempting to talk to me before making my way across the room to follow her.

My head was spinning and my vision was glassy. I felt light in my toes and my arms tingled. But it wasn't an altogether bad feeling. I chalked it up to the excitement of the evening and the euphoria of feeling like a free citizen in an environment that used to paralyze me.

I finally made my way through the crowd and tugged gently at the door handle, checking to be sure that no one was watching as I slid through it.

The dining room was dark, nothing but moonlight and the occasional fireworks burst from the many windows lit the room and reflected off the immense walnut table and other shiny appointments.

I saw her across the table, lounging in what used to be Snow's chair. Her leg kicked up over the arm lazily, her head hanging back.

"I hoped you'd find me, Finnick." I moved towards her cautiously, her voice sounding slow and as drunk as mine.

"When does this start to feel real? When do I stop expecting to see him show up every time I turn around."

I listened to her as I made my way to her, sitting against the edge of the table in front of her.

"It'll take time. Snow put us through a lot. None of us more than you."

She raised a glass I didn't see she had. Another glass of whatever Plutarch had given us. She took a giant swig and then passed it to me...and I graciously finished it off and then sat it beside me. We both sat and felt its effects warming us. It was a welcome reprieve. I found myself staring at her even as I told myself not to. And she was doing the same.

"I guess Snow wasn't all bad. I mean, I never would have met you if he hadn't thrown us together..."

I laughed and leaned back on the table.

"Jesus, Katniss I don't know that I'd go that far. Snow was all bad. Period."

She rolled her head, toying gently with her braid.

"I guess you're right," she bit her lip and looked me over in an unusual way, "I know I shouldn't think it, but watching you here, thinking about what Snow made you do..." Her voice trailed off a bit but she was breathing heavy and I felt my breath hitching, too, my head swimming and hot.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked her, feeling my body slip off the table until I was standing before her, feeling vulnerable and strong at the same time. And wanting her. Badly. More than I could explain.

"I'm thinking about you with all of those other women. How often you must have...how many...how...good you must be..." Her words here hot and harsh, not like her at all. And had I been in my right mind I would have shut her down. But it didn't embarrass me. In fact the idea of her thinking about me in that way turned me on even more than I already was. She laid her other leg over the arm of her giant throne or a chair, laying back with her legs spread and lowering herself in the chair. I moaned in spite of myself watching her.

"I want you to fuck me, Finnick."

She whispered and begged at the same time and I didn't take another second to think about it. I descended on her, covering her body with mine and our mouths crashed into each other. Our kissing was furious, all tongue and spit and pushing. She grabbed at my back and I rocked my hips hard against her. I reached between us and undid my pants. I felt her fingers do the same. She lifted her hips into me and used the space to pull her black leggings down and around her bottom. She was wet and open and ready and pushing against me hard. Without removing any other clothing, I slammed into her. Hard and sudden. We both cried out. I was punishing her hard...pushing harder and faster inside of her as she wrapped her legs around me. She screamed out my name. I lifted her out of her chair and walked with her wrapped around my waist. She was sliding up and down on me as we moved until I backed her against a wall. I pushed her back hard against the cool wall and she cried out again, begging me not to stop.

I didn't.

I was on my toes, desperate to get further into her. I humped and thrusted and pushed with everything I had. We both sweat and cried out until without any warning I was coming deep inside of her. And it seemed to go on forever. I buried my head in her shoulder and she grabbed my head and cried as I felt her shuddering around me. I felt myself still inside of her but I wasn't finished. I was still rock hard, throbbing...and desperate for her.

I felt my knees weaken beneath us after I came, so I held her tight and laid her down right on the floor. I went about pummeling into her again. She reached for my face and grabbed it tight, calling out as she bucked her hips up at me, her body begging for me to release again. And I don't know how, but I managed to. I pushed inside of her deep and stayed there, emptying myself as she continued to roll her hips and milk it out of me. We were still connected, moving slowly and coming down from whatever high we were on when the door opened and two bodies crashed through it.

I laid down on Katniss to hide behind the table. We giggled like school children that he been caught, even as I slid myself from her and tried my best to get us covered up.

"Just do it...right here...right now..."

It was Johanna's voice and I almost laughed out loud until Katniss covered my mouth. We watched underneath the table as we saw four legs sloppily trying to move towards it.

"Slow down, princess, it's been awhile for me..."

"Haymitch?!"

Katniss called out at the sound of his voice before realizing that she was outing us by surprising him. I elbowed her. Johanna and Haymitch stilled.

"Katniss?" His voice was labored and breathing hard as he called back to her. She pulled her pants up and stood, but it was so blatantly obvious what she had been doing. Her face was flushed and her hair a mess.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" He asked her with a kind of a chuckle.

"Oh grow up, Haymitch, look at her. She's got fuck me hair. C'mon Peeta, get up here. I'm impressed! I wouldn't have thought you had it in you!"

Johanna taunted Katniss and I rolled into my back as she did. I knew I was about to get it good. She assumed I was Peeta. I slowly zipped my pants and stood, almost passing out from the lightheadedness as I did. I caught Haymitch' face first and he raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Then I turned my face to Johanna and I felt my cheeks grow in embarrassment.

"Finnick fucking Odair. What. The. Hell."

Her words were coming at me slowly and I suddenly felt like I couldn't stand without holding on to the table. I noticed Katniss swaying beside me as well. Johanna crossed her arms.

"Mister Romance, Mister The Capitol Made Me Do It..." Johanna laughed and it was brutal. She was chastising me in her own special way, "what would Annie say about you now?"

"Oh shut up Johanna. You're no better. And Annie wouldn't give a shit." Katniss' voice was labored and she held the edge of the table, too, before sitting down. I turned to look at her and my head spun from the motion. I blinked my eyes hard and tried to focus but the room was a mess. I couldn't make myself shake it off.

"You two are a mess..." Johanna laughed and it sounded like her voice was miles away. I turned away from the table and emptied my stomach onto the floor, throwing up several times and hoping to find some relief in it. I didn't.

"I need to get home."

I whispered to no one but myself and made my way to the door, using the wall to steady me. I passed Haymitch and Johanna, who stopped me.

"Finnick, what's wrong with you?" She whispered. I shook my head to let her know I wasn't sure. She turned my face and kissed the side of it several times, trailing kisses down the side of my neck and grabbing at my stomach with her fingers, "too bad...I was hoping maybe you'd stick around and join us..."

I pulled away from her and let myself out a side door. I remember sitting in the stairwell and trying to clear my head enough to be sure I could make it all the way back to my suite. I don't know how long I sat there, or how I made it home. All I remember is waking up on the floor of my suite, inches from the fireplace, fully dressed and nursing a killer headache as the sunrise filled the room with way too much light.

The night before...real or not real? I felt lost.


	14. Unsteady: The Betrayal

I stood in the shower for what felt like hours, trying to wake myself up and piece the night before back together from the broken bits I could recall.

Katniss' speech.

Annie tying knots.

The floor of the dining room.

Annie.

I cursed at myself silently trying to give myself some slack and not hate myself for my actions...but it wasn't working. I felt ill and I don't know that the hot water was helping. I heard a banging at the door. A steady pounding that I wasn't sure wasn't coming from my head. I shut off the water to listen for it again.

I groggily stepped from the shower and pulled pants on, stumbling as I did. I splashed cold water on my face to wake up and come too. It helped. A little.

I made it to the door and slowly opened it before it came flying open on me. Johanna had burst her way into my room and plowed right by me, damn near knocking me over on the way.

"Johanna..." I attempted to greet her, but she interrupted me.

"Shut the door, Finnick."

I watched her intently as she sat a big bag down on the table in my dining room. I pushed the door closed and locked it.

"You feel like shit?"

She turned to face me. I nodded yes.

"You don't look so hot either."

She chuckled, but it was an angry chuckle. She was beyond angry.

"Johanna, what's going on?"

She turned from me and unzipped her bag, pulling a long stemmed glass from it. The ones from the party. She held it out to me. I walked towards her and took it, curiously furrowing my brow.

"I took it from the dining room last night. It's the one you had. Look at it Finnick..."

I held it up in the light, not sure what I was looking at. Then I realized a hazy, white dusty film around it. I ran my finger over it and it brushed off on to my skin. I studied it closer and then realized that Johanna was pulling several others out of her bag, sitting them on the table.

"Poison?" I asked her as I moved towards the table to look at the others.

"Are you dead, dumbass? No it's not poison. It's a drug. I don't know what exactly but a drug."

I held it up again and felt my stomach turn. We'd been drugged. But why? And by who? In all my years of being a Capitol slave I had been warned to never take a drink from a stranger. Mags would remind me constantly. Cashmere had been drugged once and then abused for an entire weekend by a steady stream of men. She never got over it. And neither did I.

"Everyone was drugged?" I asked again, trying to make some kind of sense.

"Not everyone. These glasses were passed out just to the fucking tributes."

I felt my head spin again.

Plutarch.

"Why...I don't understand..."

Johanna was on the verge of tears. Shaking. I sat the glass down and tried to ignore how my own hands were trembling. I turned her to face me, my hands on her shoulders.

"Hey, it's ok. Look at me. We will figure this out..."

I was trying to assure myself, too. I felt sick. Betrayed. And to see Johanna crack only made it worse.

"Are we never going to be safe, Finnick? Who did this? I don't understand. I knew something was wrong. Fucking stupid I should have known."

I pulled her into a hug and wondered all those same things. My jaw clenched as I remember Plutarch seeking Katniss and I out. Could he have known? And if not him, then who? Then I thought back to Johanna's words. Just the tributes.

Annie.

I pulled back from her and looked at the glasses, counting them.

"Annie...did they drug Annie."

Johanna straightened herself up and adjusted her coat. She didn't look at me.

"I don't think so. She was with me when they passed them out. She turned it down...I...I had hers, too..."

Johanna cried softly.

"Haymitch, Finn. I had sex with fucking Haymitch. I should have known when I saw you and Katniss. It wasn't right."

Katniss. She would need to know. For more reasons than one. Johanna was putting the glasses back in her bag. I thought quickly.

"Let's quietly assemble the tributes. Spread the word. Meet here in two hours. Tell no one else. I'll run one of those glasses to a medic and ask them to run the traces of powder. But until we talk...don't trust anyone else. Understood?"

Johanna nodded at my instruction. I hastily grabbed a shirt and shoes and took Johanna's bag. I tossed her an extra key to my suite.

"Stay here with me until we know it's safe. Gather everyone. Quickly." I patted her shoulder as I hurried out of my suite. We had no time to waste in figuring out what was going on.

I flung my coat on and Johanna's bag across my back as well and took off on running feet towards the mansion. I found myself suddenly suspicious of everyone I passed and made eye contact with none of them. I looked up briefly and the window of Katniss' home and saw Annie in the window. I knew she saw me but I didn't linger, I just kept running. I hoped Johanna would get to her soon.

The more I ran the weaker I felt but I pushed through it, taking the elevator to the basement as I arrived at the mansion, silently hoping I'd find Beetee there.

The lab was empty when I arrived and I looked around aimlessly wondering what to do. I watched the empty observation room where Annie had been and wondered for a moment if she may have been safer there.

Suddenly an Avox entered the room across from me and I approached her. She smiled and nodded and I scanned the room before opening the bag.

"I need you to do me a favor. But I need you to promise not to tell anyone I was here."

I was speaking quickly and quietly and she nodded at me assuredly. I pulled out a glass and held it up, she studied it immediately.

"I need you to get this to the lab and have them figure out what this film is."

She nodded again and took it from me, immediately crossing to a cabinet and grabbing gloves and an evidence bag. She sat it inside the bag and closed it.

"Thank you. Please...tell no one. If anyone asks you aren't sure where it came from. If...Plutarch asks, if he comes here...you found it in the street. Understand? I'll be back to check with you when I can."

She nodded again and almost bowed reverently as she walked off with it and I immediately hoped I had done the right thing. I closed up the rest of the bag and slung in back over my shoulder as I made my way back to the elevator.

As the door opened, I saw Beetee. I sighed in relief.

"Finnick what are you doing down here?"

I pushed into the elevator and pushed the button to take us both back up.

"You need to come with me, Beetee. I can't explain why."

Beetee stared at me in confusion and then reached to stop the elevator. Not to reverse it. Just to stop it. I suddenly felt unsure of myself.

"Finnick, maybe you should come with me for a moment."

I tightened my grip on the bag and backed from him.

"What's in the bag, Finnick?"

My gut was telling me not to trust him and I held tight to the bag and lied.

"Just clothes."

He knew I was lying but let it go as I pushed the button to continue our ascent to the ground. We rode in silence as Beetee stared at me. He knew. Somehow he knew.

"Did you enjoy the festivities last night?" I asked him, trying to make small talk.

He didn't answer, just stared at me flatly. The door opened and I slid through it before it was even fully ajar. I ran from the mansion and headed quickly back to my suite. I noticed Annie was no longer in the window and silently prayed that she had already made her way to our home.

I was exhausted by the time I returned and was glad to see that Johanna had managed to round up the rest of the victors. I caught her eye across the room and walked toward her, carefully setting her bag down.

"Any luck?" She asked, scanning the room behind me to see if anyone was listening in.

"I left one of the glasses with an Avox medic there. She's testing it. I'll go back later. I think she's safe. But...did you talk to Beetee?"

Johanna's eyes widened and then darkened, she could tell from my tone why I was asking.

"No...I couldn't reach him..."

"Good. I think he might have something to do with whatever the hell is going on."

Johanna looked over my shoulder and nodded, alerting me that someone was coming.

It was Katniss. I swallowed hard, images of the night before flooding me. Her cheeks turned pink, too. I stepped forward to meet her.

"Finnick, what is going on..."

I took her by the arm.

"I don't know, but we are going to find out. Are you...alright?"

She inhaled sharply a few times and nodded yes, not making eye contact with me. She moved to sit on one of the couches in my living area where everyone else had assembled. I saw Annie sitting across from her, staring around blanket and confused. I moved quickly and sat by her. She turned towards me greatfully.

"Annie. Are you alright? Were you sick last night?"

"No, Finnick. I wasn't. Were you?" She subtly moved into my side and I welcomed it. She was actually turning to me for help. And suddenly I felt the sting of how much I had betrayed her, whether she knew it or not.

"I was, Annie. I'm...I'm sorry."

She smiled coyly.

"Sorry for being sick? That's silly. Oh...I have something for you..." Annie reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of the black cord from the night before. She had untied the constrictor knot. I smiled broadly and twisted it in my hands before stroking the bangs from her forehead.

"You remember..."

My voice almost broke as I said it. Maybe she would come back to me after all.

"Ok. I know you're confused. We all are. We need to talk about what happened and decide the safest way to move forward as a group."

Katniss called the meeting to order, her voice shaking as she spoke. Johanna stood beside her and everyone else, myself included, had found a seat.

"Someone...we don't know who or why...attempted to drug us last night..."

"You said the glass came from Plutarch, why aren't we hauling him in here..."

Peeta interrupted her and several other voices began whispering. Most of the other victors never trusted him, but he had masterminded a way to save us from the Quarter Quell and I couldn't let myself believe he'd have anything to do with this.

"Raise your hand if Plutarch gave you your drink last night." Johanna asked and every hand in the room, except Annie, was raised.

He couldn't have known, could he?

"The drug seemed to have a sort of, aphrodisiac aspect to it. Not just causing the sickness but also causing some inhibitions to...well..."

"Raise your hand if you fucked last night?"

Katniss turned and sneered at Johanna's vulgar interruption, but she wasn't wasting any time. She spelled it out pretty plainly, even as she raised her hand. Haymitch slowly raised his. And very slowly...one by one...everyone but Annie lifted their hands sheepishly into the air. I felt Annie's gaze turn to watch me and I couldn't bring myself to look at her. She rested her hand on my knee. It was a silent sign of forgiveness...at least I took it that way.

"And all with someone else in this room?" Katniss voice was cool as we all bonded over a mutual series of embarrassing events, until Enobaria raised her hand.

"Not me." She whispered through her jagged teeth. There was a long silence before she admitted to the room that she had spent the prior evening with Plutarch.

My head was spinning. I couldn't make any sense of what was going on. Peeta stood.

"What about you Katniss?" He was attacking her even though we were all pretty sure we were not in total control of our actions. Katniss swallowed hard and the words wouldn't come.

"It was me, Peeta." I answered for her and Peeta spun on me. Smirking. "I'm sorry."

He was angry. I saw him sneer at us both and try to shake it off before he whispered under his breath, "oh that's so out of character for you, Finnick."

"That's enough, Peeta," Katniss yelled at him and he left the room, slamming the door. She continued, pleading with the other tributes, "we can't turn on each other now. We have to work together to stay safe. Clearly someone is still targeting us."

There was lots of whispering and hushed conversation. I looked at Katniss who looked back at me...lost and confused. I shrugged.

"I say we arm ourselves and confront Plutarch. If this wasn't his doing, it sure sounds like he might know whose it is."

Enobaria spoke from the couch and Haymitch quickly seconded her suggestion. I nodded in agreement to Katniss. We were prepared to mobilize and confront him when suddenly Peeta opened the front door and reappeared.

With Plutarch.

"I thought maybe we might have some questions for this piece of dirt."


	15. Unsteady: The Revelation

Plutarch's face was pasty, white and afraid as he entered the room, ushered in by Peeta. But he didn't lose his cool. He sensed several of us preparing to move in on the attack and find out what he knew, so he took a proactive stance.

"I know you're all confused. Look, I wouldn't have come here if I was afraid of anything I had done. You have questions. I have answers."

Katniss studied him. None of us trusting him, but all of us anxious for the answers he held.

"Tie him up, Finnick. To the chair."

I was on my feet before she stopped speaking and grabbed a length of rope from the closet by the door. I glanced over the trident that was there as well, making a mental note of it in case I needed it sooner than later. I made quick work of tying Plutarch's hands behind him and around the chair, securing the rope to the legs of his seat. He winced as I pulled but didn't fight me. I gave his knots a swift tug before standing behind him and nodding towards Katniss.

He smirked up at her but not menacingly. Like he was waiting for the onslaught...a career politician who was ready to deflect any concerns. Katniss moved towards him and sat on the table positioned in the middle of the room.

"Why? Why save us all...use us all the gain support...and then try to kill us?"

Plutarch laughed at her question.

"Katniss, you really think that I was trying to kill you? What would I have to gain by killing you?"

Everyone shifted uneasily. In one swoop he admitted to some knowledge of what was going on but also that he wasn't trying to harm us. I guess there was a little relief in that.

"What then?" I questioned from behind him. He breathed deeply and tried to adjust in his chair.

"It's quite the opposite, Finnick. The group of people in this room survived Snow. Survived the rebellion. Whether it's your minds of or you strength or something even more special...you represent the best of us."

"Cut the bullshit. What does that have to do with anything." Johanna had had enough and wasn't in the mood to be flattered.

Plutarch squirmed. He didn't answer. I kicked his chair from behind.

"Answer her."

He cleared his voice and scanned the room.

"Coin had set into motion a movement in District 13, long before any of you arrived there. She was selectively...choosing people. People that fit a specific profile. People whom she wanted to be responsible for putting forth a stronger next generation. She felt like this was a chance to create a stronger Panem."

"Jesus..." Johanna whispered, putting the pieces together. He continued, as if it made him feel better to finally admit it.

"Ever since your reaping we have had very detailed information on all of you, including your DNA...bloodwork...family history. We were working on developing perfect strands of DNA to create a sort of 'league of victors' if you will..."

"So you were breeding us. Like animals." Peeta hissed at him and started to stalk the room. As angry and violated as the rest of us.

"I believed in her work. I wanted to carry it out. I knew that asking you would get me nowhere, what with all of the valor and character I'd be up against. Right? But I promise you I never meant to hurt anyone. That was never my intention. I believe in this team. All of you."

"That's not entirely true." From behind us came Beetee's voice. He wheeled slowly into the room until he was between Katniss and Plutarch. We all studied him as he spoke, "you need to tell them the truth or I will."

Plutarch nearly growled at him. His teeth gnashing so loud I could hear it from behind the chair. Katniss furrowed her brow and waited for Plutarch to speak...as we all did.

"Restrain Finnick." Plutarch commanded. I felt myself get hot all over wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean. Katniss stood.

"We will not." She stood firm and I appreciated her faith in me.

"Restrain him." Plutarch ordered again and now I was had gone from confused and angry to just plain angry. I caught Annie watching me out of the corner of my eye and paced across the room, creating space between Plutarch and I. That was the best he was going to get from me. I saw him swallow. He shook against his restraints and honed his vision in on me.

"When we brought Annie back from the Capitol and tested her, we learned that her mental health issues were genetically bound. Her experiences and PTSD only made them worse, they didn't cause them..." I felt my fingers grabbing onto the back of the couch I was standing by, unsure of what I was about to have to hear. He continued.

"We felt like we had a chance to eradicate some of those genetic faults from any future generations. When we tested her before he treatment..."

"Stop." Suddenly I felt like I was being hit over and over again and I raised my hands to my ears against his words, threading together his thoughts no matter how badly I didn't want to. I took a few strong steps towards him until Katniss stood between and and tried to still me. I suddenly knew why he insisted I be restrained.

"Did you know?" I was seething...spitting at him as I felt my pulse race. He watched me and grew more and more desperate to come up with the correct answer, yet said nothing. "Did you know about the baby...did you know..."

I kept repeating it. Needing to know the truth. I saw Annie stand, her hands closed over her stomach, and equally angry, if not more lost, look on her face.

"It was for the best, Finnick."

The words weren't across his lips before I flung myself at him. I knocked the chair he was in onto its back and tumbled to the ground with him, pummeling him with my bare fists. His face started to bleed and so did my knuckles. I couldn't tell whose blood was whose and I don't know how long it went on before Peeta and Haymitch pulled me from him. I had mashed him pretty good, and I flailed against them so hard that I broke free on their first attempt and went about hitting Plutarch again. Hard. Until he was unconcious. But still I screamed at him, calling him very name I could think of.

He knew. He knew Annie had been pregnant. And because of his fucked up plan for a new world order he fried her mind and killed our son. I was reeling. Crying, yelling, punching.

When Peeta finally calmed me, I fell backwards into the floor in a heap. A bloody, pathetic, crying heap. I heard Katniss order them to take Plutarch to see a medic. But the room was cloudy and I didn't know who left and who stayed. She knelt by my side as I caved and rocked into fetal position, sobbing silently I myself against yet another unimaginable Capitol onslaught.

"Have a medical team sent up immediately to look at Finnick. Now. Johanna."

"On it." She responded as the two of them shuffled off quickly. I tucked my head into my elbows and wept on the floor.

I felt her hands on my back and tried to let their warmth calm me before I turned to face her. It was Annie. Her face was pained, her eyes risking tears as well, her body trembling. She helped me lift into a sitting position and studied my face. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the length of rope she had been holding onto. She passed it to me and closed my hands around it. Trying to soothe me.

"I'm sorry this happened..." She whispered, and she stood to leave...shakily.

"No, Annie, please don't go."

She stopped as I grabbed the fabric of the length of her dress. Gracefully she sat back down at my side. The room had cleared except for the two of us. She sat next to me on the floor and rested her head on my shoulder as we both quietly cried. Mourning the loss of something neither of us had ever really realized. But we shared.


	16. Unsteady: Annie Returns

The bed was warm when I woke up, heavy blankets were tucked up so high and tight around my neck that I felt like a two year old. I rustled under them for a bit, shaking off a headache. I went to massage my forehead and noticed my hands were bandaged. I adjust my vision to see a medic standing near by.

"Try to rest, Mr. Odair, you're fine just a heavy dose of pain killers that might make you foggy for a little bit."

I nodded and smiled in appreciation.

"Is he awake?" I heard Katniss' voice coming from behind me but I couldn't see her. I watched the medic nod and then exit the room as Katniss came to sit next to me in the bed. She took my gained hand gently and smiled at me as she patted it.

"You broke his jaw in two places and dislocated a collar bone. So Plutarch is sitting rather uncomfortably in a jail cell being tended to." She ran her thumb over my hand. I turned it over to take her hand in mine and squeeze it gently.

"Do you think we will ever really be safe here, Finnick?" Her eyes glasses over as she spoke. It was a question I had thought long and hard about the answer to. I searched the ceiling and then looked back at her.

"I don't know. But maybe we just aren't made to live a peaceful existence. Maybe we have been raised to keep fighting these battles. I don't even blame Plutarch. He's playing with the only hand he's ever known, we all are."

I meant it. With the things we had been through, none of us got to just ride off into the sunset. I felt a year run from her nose and drop into my arm.

"But we'll get through it. It'll get better. Can't get worse right? I mean...you had to have sex with me...that had to have been a low point."

I tried to lighten the mood and laugh it off, knowing we would get past it but it would always...always be there. She lowered her head and cried a little harder, trying to laugh along with me. She put her head down gently in my arm and spoke into the sheets.

"I'm pregnant, Finnick. They ran blood work on all of us when we got here. Johanna and I. We both are."

I felt her grip tighten on my hand as she cried. And I was at a total loss for words. I whispered that I was sorry, knowing that in some way, shape or form it was my fault. She lifted her head and wiped her nose and eyes, dropping my hand softly.

"Does Peeta know?" I asked, the first of a million questions I wanted to ask her.

"He does. He's trying to process it. Finnick I have to tell you something else..."

I sat up as best I could. Watching her face, readily waiting.

"When the medics came for you and Plutarch there was a lot of confusion, crowding. Enobaria kind of lost it on him as they were attempting to drag him out. She grabbed your trident...I think she wanted to kill him..." I was studying her face trying to guess what she might say next and slowly sitting up with anticipation. I could feel my heart race as she continued, "Annie got in her way. Saved Plutarch. Did the right thing."

I sat up. No lurched up. Annie.

"Is she alright?" I asked hurriedly and Katniss smiled, putting me at ease.

"It knocked her back hard, she took a nasty blow to the head. Finnick...when she came to, she was desperate for you. She remembers."

Katniss smiled through her own tears, happy for me even if it didn't set well with her own ideas of happiness. I couldn't tell, but I felt my eyes glaze over, too as I squeezed her hand.

"Where is she?" I asked, needing to see that she was ok for myself. Katniss glanced up behind me and smiled.

"She's here."

Katniss patted the bed at my side and slipped out of the room. My neck was too sore to crane it to look at her but soon enough, Annie took her place. Her red hair half braided away from her face, the color in her cheeks pink and warm, tears in her sea green eyes.

"Annie..." I whispered her name like a prayer almost afraid to say it. She burst into tears and said my name over and over as she let herself fall into the bed beside me, holding on to me like she would never let go. I didn't want her to.

I kissed the top of her head repeatedly, stroking her back with my hands and whispering to her that it would be ok. Minutes past and she finally pulled herself back to look at me, smiling broadly.

"What do you remember?" I asked her, careful not to push. She smiled and brushed a tuft of wild hair from my forehead.

"I remember Mags. I remember you on the beach. I remember you saving me. I remember you. I remember everything." We cried out in laughter together as I closed my mouth over hers in a long loving kiss that I had waited way too long for.

"I love you, Annie Odair."

"I love you, Finnick Odair."

We embraced there a long while. I held her tight to my side and clasped her hand in spite of how badly it hurt my knuckles. I didn't want to lose her again.

"I'm sorry." He voice came soft and out of nowhere. I looked down at her small frame tucked into my side.

"For what?" I whispered back at her, kissing the top of her head. She didn't look up at me as she spoke.

"I didn't know about the baby..." Her voice turned into a quiet whimper and I sat up, scooping her into my arms and rocking her. Hushing her.

"Oh Annie, I know. Of course I know."

I held her and let her cry against me. Let her mourn the child that Ian's had time to cry over.

"We're leaving here, Annie. I'm taking you back to the Victor's Village in Four. Like we always talked about. We can live by the sea. Spend our days on the sand. Start a family."

She looked up at me quizzically.

"Your place is here, Finnick. Te people need you. I understand that."

"It's not up for discussion, Annie, as soon as we are both well...we will go home. I can come back as often as I need to. But this place...it will never be our home."

She smiled at me and I brushed her cheek before kissing her forehead. For the first time in longer than I could remember...I felt secure in who we were. I had that familiar feeling of Annie and I against the world. And I took great comfort in it.

Annie was mad. And I was a whore. But the two of us fit together like pieces of an age old puzzle that no one else needed to understand.


	17. Unsteady: The Epilogue

_My dearest, Finnick:_

 _I hope that this letter finds you well. It has been nearly a year and a half since you left the New Capitol and I am pleased to report that things have settled into a peaceful new normal here._

 _I know that you're choice to return home was yours alone, but I still feel like you belong here. With us. Our baby is beautiful. I hope you'll find the picture I enclosed. She is growing stronger everyday and Peeta and I laugh at how much she loves the water. Just like her daddy, we tell her. Peeta has come to remarkable grips in raising her, Finnick. And he does not harbor any resentment towards you. I know you well enough to know that's what you think. Don't. Everything happens for a reason. Whatever we went through resulted in a beautiful little girl and I will always be grateful for that._

 _I miss my best friend. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish you were here to help me make the right decision. Or to laugh at me for making the wrong one. I try to understand your decision to leave, I know your life's mission is to love and protect Annie. I just hope she knows how lucky she is._

 _Please give her my best. We hope to see all of you soon, and I hope you'll write back and update me on things in Four. I know you're getting this letter, Finn, I know it._

 _I love you. Little Mags loves you._

 _Katniss_

I sat at my desk and read the letter over carefully several times before having the courage to look at the picture. She was a beautiful girl indeed. And named for my Mags. She had Katniss' coal black hair and my sea green eyes and you could tell just from looking at her that she was as wild as both of us.

I didn't know how to go back. I didn't know how to live with one foot in two worlds. So the fact was that once we returned to Four I hadn't delivered on my promise to return to the New Capitol. Rather I hid from it. Fished, cooked in the sun with Annie, spent evenings sitting on the beach with our toes in the water and falling asleep after making love without the fear of being under attack. I didn't want to go back.

And I couldn't. I couldn't not feel things for Katniss after everything. And I was constantly torn even when she wasn't at my side. I knew that having Mags had bonded us...and I couldn't do that to Annie, what with what she had lost.

So I quietly tucked Katniss' letter into my desk drawer. With the dozens of others that she had sent that went unresponded to. I hoped that with time she and Peeta would heal like Annie and I we're trying to.

I stood and watched Annie on the shore. Walking in the sun, her skirt pulled up to stay dry. I smiled at the innocence of it, remembering when we were children on that same beach.

And I fought with everything that I had to not try to imagine Katniss Everdeen chasing a black haired and chubby toddler into the water, smiling back at me as she did.

I realized that even out of the Capitol snare...I may be torn. Forever.


End file.
